Things with girlfriend seems bleak yet again :(

Yesterday suppose to be great as I was so looking forward to meet her. She mentioned City Hall and that means our fave eating place at basement one. Cecilia looked terrific with red and denim shorts, smelt good too, as always. Well I did postpone bible study with my cell leaders to meet her cause I really think we don't spend time with each other enough.

Story continues...All looks bright as we sat in the Japanese eating place...or so it seems. I passed her the promo brochures for the play I am acting in. She wanted to come so somehow I just told her that okay then price of the play is $25. Never did the complimentary tickets I already acquired came across my mind. It is like wiped out from my memory. All I knew was that one of the ticket is for my mother, the other is pending or giving it to one of my younger folks in cell group. She "FLARED" up...she thinks that I prepared another ticket for someone else or she thinks that I do not respect her or put her in focus enough to give her that complimentary tickets. I tried to rescue myself telling her that I will buy the ticket for her, she then say it is different. The whole atmosphere changed because of a lousy ticket that only last two hours of a performance, compared to a lifetime I want to spend with her. Everytime this kind of things happen, there is always a thought sitting in the window of my head jeering me , " you sure she's the one? come'on who are you kidding?" What am I to do? The late lunch turned into a silent torture as we were yet to finish our food...it was so awkard...inside myself I was suppressing the fuming frustrations. Then as we walked out of the building she asked me where to go now? Silly me replied,"You can go home now?" "You really want me to go home?" she exclaimed. Then came out of my mouth,"Just go" And I turned myself and walked the other direction.

I am really sick of all this small things. She can't see big. She sees things of now only. My fault, I shouldn't even invite her to the play. I should mumb it all down. I am not going to see her till I don't know. Told her after the production ends, which means I'll miss her birthday. Everytime when nearing her birthday, things just happen, situations between us just become worst. Perhaps I am not the man for her. You know what James, why don't you just jump on the wagon of my misfortune!!!

Perhaps it is good also. Like this, I won't need to postpone anymore bible study or anything for anyone. Can become Judah Smith even faster...Jesus, I need grace! I really mean it.