Sunday, March 13
Friday, March 4
i feel that i am beginning to be numb about love of the mundane kind. Angela was right about the whole Paul thing and she believes it totally. Getting into relationship is a bane to all friendship or the end of every memory you had of that person once it turns all bad and sour. Silly is that when you as a teen strive every moment of the youthful hour to act on the curiousity of "How would it be like to touch her hand or kiss her cheek" A rush of andrenaline thats hits you leaving you drooling for more. How perverted my teenhood is! So immorality leads to two being together cos of might be of sin, i guess i know fair enough, i went to hell and back you see. And there I was justifying with Angela that love exist beyond immorality...when all I was showing to her is that I am but of a Love Fool. I am silly beyond doubt.
I had a conversation with "David" before that God told me clearly to leave her and stuff because of obvious signs and I refused. Weichun was telling me the same, saying that perhaps she is there because God get her to get me back in church and that was it. Harsh part was recently about he telling me about her with another guy, i suppose behaving suspiciously. At that time i was already experiencing difficulties and stuff. I learnt the hard way in 2005 Febuary. God I need grace! Very much as I need to be on my own quiet corner at gethsamane (Perhaps in the closet of my heart) I want to surrender all and give everything unto you. You say you are near to the broken hearted, I QUALIFY LORD! Change me constantly towards your desire.
What will God surprise my tender heart with next? I am excited to know cos I anticipate it every encounter I have with Him, every conversation I have with Him. God had me do the right thing this time otherwise He couldn't give anymore of blessings, alike Abraham, he gave his only love (isaac) on the altar. I gave up on mine and things are already changing...you are for REAL right God?
ON BENDED KNEE
Verse
G C
On bended knee I come
G C
With a humble heart I come
G Em Am
Bowing down before Your holy throne
D G C
Lifting holy hands to You
Bm Em
As I pledge my love anew
Am D
I worship You in spirit
Am D
I worship You in truth
Am D G
Make my life a holy praise unto You
Cheerios to a good companion "David" thank you Lord...
I had a conversation with "David" before that God told me clearly to leave her and stuff because of obvious signs and I refused. Weichun was telling me the same, saying that perhaps she is there because God get her to get me back in church and that was it. Harsh part was recently about he telling me about her with another guy, i suppose behaving suspiciously. At that time i was already experiencing difficulties and stuff. I learnt the hard way in 2005 Febuary. God I need grace! Very much as I need to be on my own quiet corner at gethsamane (Perhaps in the closet of my heart) I want to surrender all and give everything unto you. You say you are near to the broken hearted, I QUALIFY LORD! Change me constantly towards your desire.
What will God surprise my tender heart with next? I am excited to know cos I anticipate it every encounter I have with Him, every conversation I have with Him. God had me do the right thing this time otherwise He couldn't give anymore of blessings, alike Abraham, he gave his only love (isaac) on the altar. I gave up on mine and things are already changing...you are for REAL right God?
ON BENDED KNEE
Verse
G C
On bended knee I come
G C
With a humble heart I come
G Em Am
Bowing down before Your holy throne
D G C
Lifting holy hands to You
Bm Em
As I pledge my love anew
Am D
I worship You in spirit
Am D
I worship You in truth
Am D G
Make my life a holy praise unto You
Cheerios to a good companion "David" thank you Lord...
today rather quiet spend the day thinking about my future and preparing sermon outlines. There is a gift in me no doubt to come out some simple outlines which are really cool, all thanks to Judah Smith ethics. Tomorrow is Saturday, really hope my group people really understand being Christian is 24/7 and not just a weekend thing. Tomorrow we talk about Holy Spirit...John 16!
Was contemplating on working at starbucks for the time being, I mean I really need dough to pay out some of my bills and my insurance, not forgetting my daily needs. Most importantly is my tithe. Think I owe God much of my offerings be it praise, monetary and purity. Still giving it all to Him. So should I go back to coffee business? That is the question. Tsk...need much a job that will not compromise my ministry time with Him. Jesus have faith...let me not be like the rich fool...loving you on his terms
being single is a weird feeling, suddenly friends you don't know pops up and you have time actually in your hands. In terms of money, saved much as well...amazing isn't it??? But God don't mean for man to be alone...where thou art is the one? the previous i guess God dealt a Vashti on her whatever...Jesus I love Lord
Was contemplating on working at starbucks for the time being, I mean I really need dough to pay out some of my bills and my insurance, not forgetting my daily needs. Most importantly is my tithe. Think I owe God much of my offerings be it praise, monetary and purity. Still giving it all to Him. So should I go back to coffee business? That is the question. Tsk...need much a job that will not compromise my ministry time with Him. Jesus have faith...let me not be like the rich fool...loving you on his terms
being single is a weird feeling, suddenly friends you don't know pops up and you have time actually in your hands. In terms of money, saved much as well...amazing isn't it??? But God don't mean for man to be alone...where thou art is the one? the previous i guess God dealt a Vashti on her whatever...Jesus I love Lord
Thursday, March 3
Aiyo...couldn't sleep! Very excited though because tomorrow we are going to Kovan Macdonald's to reach out to youths by survey kinda plan. It is called CLUB 10 where 10 youths are selected to hang out and have fun kinda thing but condition is to go to at least some youth conferences. It all sound like some cheap scam but what we are offering is really sincere friendship. God will surely bless (^___^)
Today I was quite stoned as I woke up like only at 1pm. Looking through recruit papers, looking for a job to sustain me. The serious thing is that if I go full head on as a theatre practitioner, I will have to compromise my time with youth ministry and time worshipping Him. It is so difficult given my background, given how much I have fight and endured to be a fairly known artiste in theatre scene. My mom thinks I am mad, my relatives thinks that I am possessed and my friends just say "Oh" Now what am I to do? Weichun say to me...Have faith that He will provide...yup...came to my mind is drinking from tap water always and pack bread from home. Perhaps I really need to do that. I need a job fast...Dear God, I would like to have a teaching drama job during weekdays, please hear me or give me projects that does one time off kinda thing that gives a windfall financially. In Jesus name Amen. There once a girl that said to me that she will feed me, now I look back I laugh, cos that could only be Jesus saying that to me! For He is faithful and just...no one else has that capacity. Nt even me.
My friend gotten bad bad time from her mother few hours ago. telling her things which isn't true, defaming her, hurting her. This week I learn lots of things from mothers who are truly unreasonable. What as children of such do? Pray to God, consult your pastor, confront your mother or father. If they ever don't treasure your existence, let them know how you feel by the way they treat you, of course there must be a fair amount justice where on your side you don't let them too down (reasonably) but even you try your best as a daughter or son and they aren't happy, they scold you, beat you, spit at you...Jesus will embrace your tattered heart...talking don't work...confronting don't work...then I suggest leave that place! But this should be of last resort after all we should honour our parents.
Today I was quite stoned as I woke up like only at 1pm. Looking through recruit papers, looking for a job to sustain me. The serious thing is that if I go full head on as a theatre practitioner, I will have to compromise my time with youth ministry and time worshipping Him. It is so difficult given my background, given how much I have fight and endured to be a fairly known artiste in theatre scene. My mom thinks I am mad, my relatives thinks that I am possessed and my friends just say "Oh" Now what am I to do? Weichun say to me...Have faith that He will provide...yup...came to my mind is drinking from tap water always and pack bread from home. Perhaps I really need to do that. I need a job fast...Dear God, I would like to have a teaching drama job during weekdays, please hear me or give me projects that does one time off kinda thing that gives a windfall financially. In Jesus name Amen. There once a girl that said to me that she will feed me, now I look back I laugh, cos that could only be Jesus saying that to me! For He is faithful and just...no one else has that capacity. Nt even me.
My friend gotten bad bad time from her mother few hours ago. telling her things which isn't true, defaming her, hurting her. This week I learn lots of things from mothers who are truly unreasonable. What as children of such do? Pray to God, consult your pastor, confront your mother or father. If they ever don't treasure your existence, let them know how you feel by the way they treat you, of course there must be a fair amount justice where on your side you don't let them too down (reasonably) but even you try your best as a daughter or son and they aren't happy, they scold you, beat you, spit at you...Jesus will embrace your tattered heart...talking don't work...confronting don't work...then I suggest leave that place! But this should be of last resort after all we should honour our parents.
Tuesday, March 1
Saturday, February 26
Today I spend the day praising and worshipping God. Listening to some parts of sermon as well to pick up on skills. I don't fancy myself to be accomplished but it is this anointing that comes with the innocence of learning and purity of life seeking Him. All praise to Him.
Rejected a job of $350 a day on all weekends for four weeks. Instinctly HS told me,"Ian turn it down or you won't have time for me and my kingdom. You know you didn't come in the house with money in your thoughts. You are in the house without slippers, you know that He is holy and the place you stand is holy. Be holy" I turned it down. My friend gotten a shock, well not everyone understands what we need to do in order to love Him and not compromise our love for the Faith. Worthy is the Lamb, Holy Holy are you Lord God Almighty!
Spend some thoughts about youths this evening. Even a rehearsals I am thinking how can we aspire youths towards God and be on FIRE 24/7. Jesus help me here, give me wisdom, in the name of Jesus Amen.
Rejected a job of $350 a day on all weekends for four weeks. Instinctly HS told me,"Ian turn it down or you won't have time for me and my kingdom. You know you didn't come in the house with money in your thoughts. You are in the house without slippers, you know that He is holy and the place you stand is holy. Be holy" I turned it down. My friend gotten a shock, well not everyone understands what we need to do in order to love Him and not compromise our love for the Faith. Worthy is the Lamb, Holy Holy are you Lord God Almighty!
Spend some thoughts about youths this evening. Even a rehearsals I am thinking how can we aspire youths towards God and be on FIRE 24/7. Jesus help me here, give me wisdom, in the name of Jesus Amen.
"...The world cannot accept him,because it neither sees him nor knows him.But you know him,for he lives with you and will be in you.I will not leave you as orphans;I will come to you." John 14:17-18
A promise that I look forward to. A reama which I have tasted this morning and will not forget or rest easily with. I love Jesus.
A promise that I look forward to. A reama which I have tasted this morning and will not forget or rest easily with. I love Jesus.
Friday, February 25
No one is going to stop me from forgetting about her. I need to because it is hurting and it is so making me depressed. I am going to stick to my decision this time.I threw away almost everything. Deleted numbers. Am I all set to go? Irritating feelings these are such of that kind of love. Pettiness gotten the better of us in the end. It is conclusion. No more mentioning bout it no more ian :) On a lighter note, I am glad God gave me opportunity to be part of Brightonyouth and upgrading my gifts slowly but surely in terms of his word. I thank all the teachers who had me to be serious with Jesus. If not...I will totally destroy myself! ian signing off. Need to do work already (*_________*)^
Wednesday, February 23
Thursday, February 17
Tuesday, February 15
Things with girlfriend seems bleak yet again :(
Yesterday suppose to be great as I was so looking forward to meet her. She mentioned City Hall and that means our fave eating place at basement one. Cecilia looked terrific with red and denim shorts, smelt good too, as always. Well I did postpone bible study with my cell leaders to meet her cause I really think we don't spend time with each other enough.
Story continues...All looks bright as we sat in the Japanese eating place...or so it seems. I passed her the promo brochures for the play I am acting in. She wanted to come so somehow I just told her that okay then price of the play is $25. Never did the complimentary tickets I already acquired came across my mind. It is like wiped out from my memory. All I knew was that one of the ticket is for my mother, the other is pending or giving it to one of my younger folks in cell group. She "FLARED" up...she thinks that I prepared another ticket for someone else or she thinks that I do not respect her or put her in focus enough to give her that complimentary tickets. I tried to rescue myself telling her that I will buy the ticket for her, she then say it is different. The whole atmosphere changed because of a lousy ticket that only last two hours of a performance, compared to a lifetime I want to spend with her. Everytime this kind of things happen, there is always a thought sitting in the window of my head jeering me , " you sure she's the one? come'on who are you kidding?" What am I to do? The late lunch turned into a silent torture as we were yet to finish our food...it was so awkard...inside myself I was suppressing the fuming frustrations. Then as we walked out of the building she asked me where to go now? Silly me replied,"You can go home now?" "You really want me to go home?" she exclaimed. Then came out of my mouth,"Just go" And I turned myself and walked the other direction.
I am really sick of all this small things. She can't see big. She sees things of now only. My fault, I shouldn't even invite her to the play. I should mumb it all down. I am not going to see her till I don't know. Told her after the production ends, which means I'll miss her birthday. Everytime when nearing her birthday, things just happen, situations between us just become worst. Perhaps I am not the man for her. You know what James, why don't you just jump on the wagon of my misfortune!!!
Perhaps it is good also. Like this, I won't need to postpone anymore bible study or anything for anyone. Can become Judah Smith even faster...Jesus, I need grace! I really mean it.
Yesterday suppose to be great as I was so looking forward to meet her. She mentioned City Hall and that means our fave eating place at basement one. Cecilia looked terrific with red and denim shorts, smelt good too, as always. Well I did postpone bible study with my cell leaders to meet her cause I really think we don't spend time with each other enough.
Story continues...All looks bright as we sat in the Japanese eating place...or so it seems. I passed her the promo brochures for the play I am acting in. She wanted to come so somehow I just told her that okay then price of the play is $25. Never did the complimentary tickets I already acquired came across my mind. It is like wiped out from my memory. All I knew was that one of the ticket is for my mother, the other is pending or giving it to one of my younger folks in cell group. She "FLARED" up...she thinks that I prepared another ticket for someone else or she thinks that I do not respect her or put her in focus enough to give her that complimentary tickets. I tried to rescue myself telling her that I will buy the ticket for her, she then say it is different. The whole atmosphere changed because of a lousy ticket that only last two hours of a performance, compared to a lifetime I want to spend with her. Everytime this kind of things happen, there is always a thought sitting in the window of my head jeering me , " you sure she's the one? come'on who are you kidding?" What am I to do? The late lunch turned into a silent torture as we were yet to finish our food...it was so awkard...inside myself I was suppressing the fuming frustrations. Then as we walked out of the building she asked me where to go now? Silly me replied,"You can go home now?" "You really want me to go home?" she exclaimed. Then came out of my mouth,"Just go" And I turned myself and walked the other direction.
I am really sick of all this small things. She can't see big. She sees things of now only. My fault, I shouldn't even invite her to the play. I should mumb it all down. I am not going to see her till I don't know. Told her after the production ends, which means I'll miss her birthday. Everytime when nearing her birthday, things just happen, situations between us just become worst. Perhaps I am not the man for her. You know what James, why don't you just jump on the wagon of my misfortune!!!
Perhaps it is good also. Like this, I won't need to postpone anymore bible study or anything for anyone. Can become Judah Smith even faster...Jesus, I need grace! I really mean it.
Insomia for the don't how many days!
Just couldn't get myself to sleep. What's happening man! Keep thinking about how to be an excellent youth pastor, how to abstain myself from getting into minor sin which will bring my Almighty identity in Christ tripping and falling into a turmoil, thinking about my dear on how much I actually miss her,thinking about marriage which seems far as my future is bleak from where I stand, but in God's term it seem great.
you know it is great to know the ending, how you are going to finish off. However, many people can start something but fail to finish off what they ought to become! I don't want that. I am also thinking about Ops Mackers, sincerely think it is a joke though at first. But HS showed me that He is in charge, not me, not puny little humane me. Miracles are brewing, I can feel it, but in His timing. How impatient are man nowadays. Perhaps because of instant mee, instant photos, instant products...everything is instant. Hence waiting virtue is of the past.
Jesus, get me waiting for you. A generation that always as for a sign. But you are the God that says "Worship me without one" I need to hang on to HS...HS I rededicate my life to you this wee hour! GREAT PASTOR IAN (GPI) Beware world...here I come!!! Jesus fill me and grant me divine dreams as I lay. A young man awaits vision from you at a block in Whampoa Drive.
CHANGE MY HEART O GOD
Verse
D Em7
Change my heart, O God
A7 D
Make it ever true
Bm7 Em7
Change my heart, O God
A7 D
May I be like You
Chorus
F# Bm Em7 D
You are the potter, I am the clay
F# Bm
Mould me and make me
E A7
This is what I pray
Just couldn't get myself to sleep. What's happening man! Keep thinking about how to be an excellent youth pastor, how to abstain myself from getting into minor sin which will bring my Almighty identity in Christ tripping and falling into a turmoil, thinking about my dear on how much I actually miss her,thinking about marriage which seems far as my future is bleak from where I stand, but in God's term it seem great.
you know it is great to know the ending, how you are going to finish off. However, many people can start something but fail to finish off what they ought to become! I don't want that. I am also thinking about Ops Mackers, sincerely think it is a joke though at first. But HS showed me that He is in charge, not me, not puny little humane me. Miracles are brewing, I can feel it, but in His timing. How impatient are man nowadays. Perhaps because of instant mee, instant photos, instant products...everything is instant. Hence waiting virtue is of the past.
Jesus, get me waiting for you. A generation that always as for a sign. But you are the God that says "Worship me without one" I need to hang on to HS...HS I rededicate my life to you this wee hour! GREAT PASTOR IAN (GPI) Beware world...here I come!!! Jesus fill me and grant me divine dreams as I lay. A young man awaits vision from you at a block in Whampoa Drive.
CHANGE MY HEART O GOD
Verse
D Em7
Change my heart, O God
A7 D
Make it ever true
Bm7 Em7
Change my heart, O God
A7 D
May I be like You
Chorus
F# Bm Em7 D
You are the potter, I am the clay
F# Bm
Mould me and make me
E A7
This is what I pray
Sunday, February 13
a Sunday that I fail to go church...
had too much of good food the night before. Prata bomb,ice milo,prattaya nasi goreng and stuff. Really guilty of substituting those with a time of upmost expression and adoration for God of the Universe. Missing out on the word which brings life??? What am I thinking...no more late nights for me on Saturday.
Yesterday met up with two of the GMSS girls under the umbrella project of "Ops Mackers" They were selling the purity bands which were going at $2 per pax. I bought like ten and that cost man! But I guess it is for a good cause, for a turn good nympho like me, aiyo. Jessy was mith me while we chill out with the two girls at starbucks (paragon), jessy was wonderfully generous as she treated all of us to Frappicinos...yahooo! She gave a comment though after the session..."Ian, you are on touchy person" hmmm...it is something that gets to me or irks me which I am not sure myself. Why on earth must I be touchy when I talk to people!!! I don't know, but I know that I am not being questionable or have intention to lead anyone to a wrong idea. Touch is an immediate communicating tool which I use a lot...need to unlearn somethings.
The girls are non-christians and yet they are willing to go thru Bible Study with us. I am like wow! Think I'll let Shella do the study...hehehe
My stomach is unwell. Bet I missed much during service, with all the new things going on...I will need to go consecration time with my God and I. To get back myself that He truly desires. Thoughts of damn keep coming back to me. If this continues, I can't be like my hero, Judah Smith.
My dear Cecilia I have not seen...miss her much...need to rest my tummy argh!
had too much of good food the night before. Prata bomb,ice milo,prattaya nasi goreng and stuff. Really guilty of substituting those with a time of upmost expression and adoration for God of the Universe. Missing out on the word which brings life??? What am I thinking...no more late nights for me on Saturday.
Yesterday met up with two of the GMSS girls under the umbrella project of "Ops Mackers" They were selling the purity bands which were going at $2 per pax. I bought like ten and that cost man! But I guess it is for a good cause, for a turn good nympho like me, aiyo. Jessy was mith me while we chill out with the two girls at starbucks (paragon), jessy was wonderfully generous as she treated all of us to Frappicinos...yahooo! She gave a comment though after the session..."Ian, you are on touchy person" hmmm...it is something that gets to me or irks me which I am not sure myself. Why on earth must I be touchy when I talk to people!!! I don't know, but I know that I am not being questionable or have intention to lead anyone to a wrong idea. Touch is an immediate communicating tool which I use a lot...need to unlearn somethings.
The girls are non-christians and yet they are willing to go thru Bible Study with us. I am like wow! Think I'll let Shella do the study...hehehe
My stomach is unwell. Bet I missed much during service, with all the new things going on...I will need to go consecration time with my God and I. To get back myself that He truly desires. Thoughts of damn keep coming back to me. If this continues, I can't be like my hero, Judah Smith.
My dear Cecilia I have not seen...miss her much...need to rest my tummy argh!
Saturday, February 12
Finished a most incredible show after a fruitful time of Cell Bible study at Pastor Tiak's house today. The show was titled "Million Dollar Baby" As I watched the show, I can't help putting God into the picture of this cine experience because the story is about a budding young girl boxer looking for a chance to bloom under a harsh tutorage of a coach who doesn't want to coach her in the beginning, until later that he sees the sincerity of her will through drastic actions and lifestyle to wanna be the best boxer around. It leaves me to think...she wanted so much to embrace her dream to be a boxer, do I have that much to embrace the vision God gave me, to be a youth pastor...stupid ian...get your lazy ass and start working on your Bread (Bible)...eat ian...eat...work out your spiritual appetite, you'll need it before a fight, what am I saying...every MOMENT OF LIFE IS A FIGHT ( .V. )
My dear is sick...God watch over her...cos she is the one you sent to love me no matter...so you help her in her ill times ya...in the name of Jesus! Love you Lord, Love Cec.
My dear is sick...God watch over her...cos she is the one you sent to love me no matter...so you help her in her ill times ya...in the name of Jesus! Love you Lord, Love Cec.
Tuesday, February 8
Friday, November 12
Overnight prayer meeting was great. We discussed about the plans for youth ministry for 2005. There will be lots of structure change to my group of junior youth. Next year, we will push the 13yr olds to lead the group liao. pray that God will give them the given wisdom to lead the team with ownership and fervor of that similar of Jesus Himself. As we prayed and prayed thoughout the night, i thought of Cec as well. I am worried but I know i am doing the correct thing as I am called by God to have and attend this overnight prayer meeting. Why do we pray? Cos we believe the power of prayer change turn the lives of our people. God will surely send His angels to take care of another angel alike...cec...
The mission training in the afternoon was "GOOD", heard amazing stories and how we should write our journals for the glory of GOd. COme we never know how God will use it. Power in the gospels today thru us...a power unto salvation! As I was sitting there, I too was thinking bout Cec going with me to church from next year onwards, I know it is going to be tough and lonely for her in the beginning but I hope she remembers what the book of James say in the bible that "perseverance must finish its work..." (James1:1-4) After that, I just know God will give charge to her things that she never dream before. Yuan, seek Him first...and all shall be added onto you...(mabe Charles and Keith SHoes) you never know what (^_____^)
I need to plot down testimonies and this is one which is way back but it really happen one night in my living room. Happy reading folks...Let God be real, this real.
My mother's relationship with me has always been loving and
>cherished. Though hurts and unpleasant moments comes into it in
>boombastic measures that leaves us both distant and in tears. There
>was a certain hurt that stayed with me for a long time till Jesus
>eventually eased it out for me through prayer of brothers and
>sisters in Christ. Then I forgave my mother altogether. It was qute
>awhile back already.
>
>However on this night, 21/06, something happened. I was just
>worshipping unto the Lord singing "TO YOU" like there's only me and
>God in this world. I came back to my house. Sat down and watched
>some korean seria on teevee which I have no recollection whatsoever.
>Then I saw my mom. I ask her if i could know my cousin's ward no. in
>the hospital cos she gotten diagnosed with breast cancer and the
>spirit is leading me to pray for her. She wasn't sure, so anyhow she
>sat down with me on the sofa.
>
>She shared with me about this granny, she drove in a taxi. The
>granny was sharing to my mom phenomenon things which the Lord has
>placed into her life. You see, this granny was on wheel chair and
>was about to go under the knife for it to be better, *when* just two
>days before operation, her church mates were praying for her much
>before, prayed for her there and then and she stood up. Not just
>stood up but walked normally. She told my mom that it is from God
>and only the grace of God can allow a 60+ lady to walk again. She
>told another story to my mom, this time it was a wet market, and
>this granny was buying eggs. After she bought it, she walked to
>another stall, however the bag gave way. Eggs rolled out, though not
>broken but there was this one egg that was rolling towards a
>drainage hole in the drain at the sides of the stalls. Just before
>the egg was going in she shouted "Stop" and the egg??? Stop in the
>most odd position you can find. The whole market crowd looked at
>her. A sheepish voice from a vegetable monger broke the silence
>,"Hey Auntie, which God you pray to? Can make an egg stop for you
>like that?" She simply said " Jesus" She became witness of Jesus to
>the market crowd. Imagine the impact to proclaim God in that manner.
>
>I told my mother, that these things that happened happen for a
>reason, not by chance. I shared to her that things has been
>happening throughout my constant invitation to her coming to church.
>And God planted a number of events for her, us transforming in
>character, her mother getting healed much after I prayed for her (my
>mother's mom) in the hospital, my auntie raving about me changing as
>if she seen a new nephew and this granny in the taxi must have left
>an impression on my mom hence allowing her to rave about wonders of
>God to me? Power of testimony, AMEN. All thanks to this granny.
>
>Then she became solemn and talked about my cousin who has cancer of
>the breast. She began tearing and say that my cousin is too young to
>go away cos she has a daughter that has not come to age. Then she
>starts talking about my dad whom passed away 14 yrs ago. It was hard
>for her, there were times she was lonely and seeked refuge in the
>wrong way. She begged me to forgive her cos she loves us a lot and
>she didn't mean for all the things to happen. All this time I was
>praying while listening to her, holding her hands, wiping her tears
>with hands born out of her. I told her ."Mum,I forgave you long ago
>and it is because of the love of Jesus that makes this possible. I
>know your life ambition is to see us thru life and pass on, but for
>us, we want to see you in heaven. Life don't just end there Mom,
>there is more than that, you can see the transformation from my
>spoiled brat days to now, you can see my immature brother coming
>into a man of stature. it's amazing isn't it. All I ask of you is to
>just give yourself this chance to know God." Then she replied," and
>where was God all this time" I say to her," Mom, you can't find Him
>in temples and washing machines, in order to know me, you spend time
>with me. You want to know God, you have to spend time with Him. Give
>yourself a chance to know this person called
>Jesus.......silence.......and I'll wash the laundry for two weeks!"
>Then she said." TWO YEARS"...AGREED!!! MY MOM IS COMING TO CHURCH ON
>4TH JULY...YAHOO...PRAISE HIM IN MY LIVING ROOM. MIRACLE INDEED.
>
>Persistence in prayer paid off. Fasting and worshipping Him always
>paid off. Loving Him in small or big ways paid off. It was worth
>it!!! Now to continue praying so that the ravens won't steal the
>blessings away.
>
>I urge all of you to live out and share your testimonies with faith,
>cos it is the most powerful and spirited thing just as in Roman
>1:16. Not be ashamed of the Gospel, of how Jesus has transform you
>or touched you. Rave it to the world so as to bring about SALVATION.
>
>Check out John 9, the whole passage about the healing of the blind
>man. This was one of the passage that left an impression on me when
>I went to Bethany Presby last Sunday in a quiet church with quiet
>ppl. Notice how much conversation was spoken by Jesus. Who did most
>of the preaching? Raving about God? THE BLIND MAN who was touched
>and healed by Jesus. He end off the chapter raving," If this man is
>not from God he could do nothing"
>
>We must RAVE, even with opppsitions of the world, we must rave. We
>cannot just sit there and be beaten by the frills of youth, frills
>of pornography, frills of what the world can offer. We need to stand
>and stand firm. Look beyond ourselves as youth and as instruments of
>God with an "amazing destiny" with Jesus waiting to explode as He
>reveals. FOr Him to REVEAL, we need to seek, and seek Him each day.
>Perhaps it'll be a long and boring process, perhaps it'll be
>exciting and fun, it depends on how much of God you want in your
>life...cause at the end of the Journey...it'll be sweet...and this
>sweetness can be found upon the feet of Jesus.
>
>Mabel, one of my cell mates. Cry each day, worrying whether she can
>come to YF each week because of her aristocratic mother. I ask
>Mabel." Why you cry?" "COs i afraid that I cannot know Jesus anymore
>and I cannot help the rest to know Jesus better" said she. I have
>never stop praying for her. If Mabel continues in this thought, GOd
>will surely honour her as He did before. All of us have that same
>identity in CHrist, if God can use her in that way, so can
>you...live your life right for Him and He'll give you only the best.
Thank you Lord, Lord of WOnders...Amen...guide me away from temptations and blind my haughty eyes oh Lord. Cheers
The mission training in the afternoon was "GOOD", heard amazing stories and how we should write our journals for the glory of GOd. COme we never know how God will use it. Power in the gospels today thru us...a power unto salvation! As I was sitting there, I too was thinking bout Cec going with me to church from next year onwards, I know it is going to be tough and lonely for her in the beginning but I hope she remembers what the book of James say in the bible that "perseverance must finish its work..." (James1:1-4) After that, I just know God will give charge to her things that she never dream before. Yuan, seek Him first...and all shall be added onto you...(mabe Charles and Keith SHoes) you never know what (^_____^)
I need to plot down testimonies and this is one which is way back but it really happen one night in my living room. Happy reading folks...Let God be real, this real.
My mother's relationship with me has always been loving and
>cherished. Though hurts and unpleasant moments comes into it in
>boombastic measures that leaves us both distant and in tears. There
>was a certain hurt that stayed with me for a long time till Jesus
>eventually eased it out for me through prayer of brothers and
>sisters in Christ. Then I forgave my mother altogether. It was qute
>awhile back already.
>
>However on this night, 21/06, something happened. I was just
>worshipping unto the Lord singing "TO YOU" like there's only me and
>God in this world. I came back to my house. Sat down and watched
>some korean seria on teevee which I have no recollection whatsoever.
>Then I saw my mom. I ask her if i could know my cousin's ward no. in
>the hospital cos she gotten diagnosed with breast cancer and the
>spirit is leading me to pray for her. She wasn't sure, so anyhow she
>sat down with me on the sofa.
>
>She shared with me about this granny, she drove in a taxi. The
>granny was sharing to my mom phenomenon things which the Lord has
>placed into her life. You see, this granny was on wheel chair and
>was about to go under the knife for it to be better, *when* just two
>days before operation, her church mates were praying for her much
>before, prayed for her there and then and she stood up. Not just
>stood up but walked normally. She told my mom that it is from God
>and only the grace of God can allow a 60+ lady to walk again. She
>told another story to my mom, this time it was a wet market, and
>this granny was buying eggs. After she bought it, she walked to
>another stall, however the bag gave way. Eggs rolled out, though not
>broken but there was this one egg that was rolling towards a
>drainage hole in the drain at the sides of the stalls. Just before
>the egg was going in she shouted "Stop" and the egg??? Stop in the
>most odd position you can find. The whole market crowd looked at
>her. A sheepish voice from a vegetable monger broke the silence
>,"Hey Auntie, which God you pray to? Can make an egg stop for you
>like that?" She simply said " Jesus" She became witness of Jesus to
>the market crowd. Imagine the impact to proclaim God in that manner.
>
>I told my mother, that these things that happened happen for a
>reason, not by chance. I shared to her that things has been
>happening throughout my constant invitation to her coming to church.
>And God planted a number of events for her, us transforming in
>character, her mother getting healed much after I prayed for her (my
>mother's mom) in the hospital, my auntie raving about me changing as
>if she seen a new nephew and this granny in the taxi must have left
>an impression on my mom hence allowing her to rave about wonders of
>God to me? Power of testimony, AMEN. All thanks to this granny.
>
>Then she became solemn and talked about my cousin who has cancer of
>the breast. She began tearing and say that my cousin is too young to
>go away cos she has a daughter that has not come to age. Then she
>starts talking about my dad whom passed away 14 yrs ago. It was hard
>for her, there were times she was lonely and seeked refuge in the
>wrong way. She begged me to forgive her cos she loves us a lot and
>she didn't mean for all the things to happen. All this time I was
>praying while listening to her, holding her hands, wiping her tears
>with hands born out of her. I told her ."Mum,I forgave you long ago
>and it is because of the love of Jesus that makes this possible. I
>know your life ambition is to see us thru life and pass on, but for
>us, we want to see you in heaven. Life don't just end there Mom,
>there is more than that, you can see the transformation from my
>spoiled brat days to now, you can see my immature brother coming
>into a man of stature. it's amazing isn't it. All I ask of you is to
>just give yourself this chance to know God." Then she replied," and
>where was God all this time" I say to her," Mom, you can't find Him
>in temples and washing machines, in order to know me, you spend time
>with me. You want to know God, you have to spend time with Him. Give
>yourself a chance to know this person called
>Jesus.......silence.......and I'll wash the laundry for two weeks!"
>Then she said." TWO YEARS"...AGREED!!! MY MOM IS COMING TO CHURCH ON
>4TH JULY...YAHOO...PRAISE HIM IN MY LIVING ROOM. MIRACLE INDEED.
>
>Persistence in prayer paid off. Fasting and worshipping Him always
>paid off. Loving Him in small or big ways paid off. It was worth
>it!!! Now to continue praying so that the ravens won't steal the
>blessings away.
>
>I urge all of you to live out and share your testimonies with faith,
>cos it is the most powerful and spirited thing just as in Roman
>1:16. Not be ashamed of the Gospel, of how Jesus has transform you
>or touched you. Rave it to the world so as to bring about SALVATION.
>
>Check out John 9, the whole passage about the healing of the blind
>man. This was one of the passage that left an impression on me when
>I went to Bethany Presby last Sunday in a quiet church with quiet
>ppl. Notice how much conversation was spoken by Jesus. Who did most
>of the preaching? Raving about God? THE BLIND MAN who was touched
>and healed by Jesus. He end off the chapter raving," If this man is
>not from God he could do nothing"
>
>We must RAVE, even with opppsitions of the world, we must rave. We
>cannot just sit there and be beaten by the frills of youth, frills
>of pornography, frills of what the world can offer. We need to stand
>and stand firm. Look beyond ourselves as youth and as instruments of
>God with an "amazing destiny" with Jesus waiting to explode as He
>reveals. FOr Him to REVEAL, we need to seek, and seek Him each day.
>Perhaps it'll be a long and boring process, perhaps it'll be
>exciting and fun, it depends on how much of God you want in your
>life...cause at the end of the Journey...it'll be sweet...and this
>sweetness can be found upon the feet of Jesus.
>
>Mabel, one of my cell mates. Cry each day, worrying whether she can
>come to YF each week because of her aristocratic mother. I ask
>Mabel." Why you cry?" "COs i afraid that I cannot know Jesus anymore
>and I cannot help the rest to know Jesus better" said she. I have
>never stop praying for her. If Mabel continues in this thought, GOd
>will surely honour her as He did before. All of us have that same
>identity in CHrist, if God can use her in that way, so can
>you...live your life right for Him and He'll give you only the best.
Thank you Lord, Lord of WOnders...Amen...guide me away from temptations and blind my haughty eyes oh Lord. Cheers
Wednesday, November 10
it is the month of november...and it started quite well as miracle sat upon my lap for me to go experience missionary work in Thailand,Udon Thani. I am looking forward to it and I am learning more each day to be selfless and focusing much on Jesus and His ministry.
today I fell ill and went to the doc's at TTSH, they diagnose me to have a throat infectionwhich is a spiral to my fever earlier in the week. Felt so helpless in bed but did spend ample time with God by praying for people and events, doing book study and worshipping Him with praise and song. Then thought about her and what happened last night. I shouted at her again. She wanted me to go from Bukit Timah to Paya Lebar to see her because she is sick. Granted I would but it is 10 plus at night and I have no money.How am I to do that? Conveniently I fell sick that morning. Both of us fell sick actually, perhaps God is trying to tell us,"HELLO! WHO IS THE BOSS HERE..." When girls want affection, they need it desperately? or what? a testing to play around to see if their partner loves them only? I have enough of games cos I want God. All this mean nothing if He is not glorified. She wouldn't be happy if I do this, I have a feeling she won't. When she is moody, the whole world revolves around her. She cannot understand that I need to go for mission training and do church work in order to equip and immense myself in full pledge of Faith to Him. Winning His favor! Then the rest will come in place. Queen Esther in the bible has to stay in the fragrance pool for a whole six months in order to win favor from King...WOW
"Now the young woman pleased him, and she obtained his favor; so he readily gave beauty preparations to her, besides her allowance. Then seven choice maidservants were provided for her from the king's palace, and he moved her and her maidservants to the best place in the house of the women" (Esther 2:9).
What an example! The first thing that happens when we come into favor with the King is that God will move us into the royal palace—the place of ruling and reigning. The next thing that will happen is God will say, "Give him/her an allowance!" Wouldn't we all like the King of the universe to give us an allowance because we found His favor? "Here is a line of credit!" Her exciting life-story goes on:
"Now it happened on the third day that Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the King's palace, across from the King's house, while the King sat on his royal throne in his royal house, facing the entrance of the house. So it was, when the King saw Queen Esther standing in the court, that she found favor in his sight, and the King held out to Esther the golden scepter that was in his hand. Then Esther went near and touched the top of his scepter, and the King said to her, "What do you wish, Queen Esther? What is your request? It shall be given to you— up to half the kingdom!" (Esther 5:1-3)
I want to be like Esther. very much to have that one mindedness to win favor. What is important now? Loving the Almighty, if God grants love then the love will be lasting and true, not of superficial gains and petty works that strokes the heart. The love granted by God will be of Corinthians 13...thru Him it is possible! I believe in Jesus.
will continue my previous story another day...I feel so alone in this sometimes...like Job, and his wife is terrible as I've read about it just today while doing BS.
she is doe-eyed and beautiful, a class work of God but I pray for all sickness that takes color from her to be ousted in the name of Jesus. So that she can think and her mind be acended to the realms of heaven to hunger for your glory. She has the heart lord but show her the way, for she has to know that the faith you put in us will cause us everything, the christian faith is a hard faith...carrying the same cross all the way to the calvary like Jesus, to die to our sins and know CHrist! Amen
today I fell ill and went to the doc's at TTSH, they diagnose me to have a throat infectionwhich is a spiral to my fever earlier in the week. Felt so helpless in bed but did spend ample time with God by praying for people and events, doing book study and worshipping Him with praise and song. Then thought about her and what happened last night. I shouted at her again. She wanted me to go from Bukit Timah to Paya Lebar to see her because she is sick. Granted I would but it is 10 plus at night and I have no money.How am I to do that? Conveniently I fell sick that morning. Both of us fell sick actually, perhaps God is trying to tell us,"HELLO! WHO IS THE BOSS HERE..." When girls want affection, they need it desperately? or what? a testing to play around to see if their partner loves them only? I have enough of games cos I want God. All this mean nothing if He is not glorified. She wouldn't be happy if I do this, I have a feeling she won't. When she is moody, the whole world revolves around her. She cannot understand that I need to go for mission training and do church work in order to equip and immense myself in full pledge of Faith to Him. Winning His favor! Then the rest will come in place. Queen Esther in the bible has to stay in the fragrance pool for a whole six months in order to win favor from King...WOW
"Now the young woman pleased him, and she obtained his favor; so he readily gave beauty preparations to her, besides her allowance. Then seven choice maidservants were provided for her from the king's palace, and he moved her and her maidservants to the best place in the house of the women" (Esther 2:9).
What an example! The first thing that happens when we come into favor with the King is that God will move us into the royal palace—the place of ruling and reigning. The next thing that will happen is God will say, "Give him/her an allowance!" Wouldn't we all like the King of the universe to give us an allowance because we found His favor? "Here is a line of credit!" Her exciting life-story goes on:
"Now it happened on the third day that Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the King's palace, across from the King's house, while the King sat on his royal throne in his royal house, facing the entrance of the house. So it was, when the King saw Queen Esther standing in the court, that she found favor in his sight, and the King held out to Esther the golden scepter that was in his hand. Then Esther went near and touched the top of his scepter, and the King said to her, "What do you wish, Queen Esther? What is your request? It shall be given to you— up to half the kingdom!" (Esther 5:1-3)
I want to be like Esther. very much to have that one mindedness to win favor. What is important now? Loving the Almighty, if God grants love then the love will be lasting and true, not of superficial gains and petty works that strokes the heart. The love granted by God will be of Corinthians 13...thru Him it is possible! I believe in Jesus.
will continue my previous story another day...I feel so alone in this sometimes...like Job, and his wife is terrible as I've read about it just today while doing BS.
she is doe-eyed and beautiful, a class work of God but I pray for all sickness that takes color from her to be ousted in the name of Jesus. So that she can think and her mind be acended to the realms of heaven to hunger for your glory. She has the heart lord but show her the way, for she has to know that the faith you put in us will cause us everything, the christian faith is a hard faith...carrying the same cross all the way to the calvary like Jesus, to die to our sins and know CHrist! Amen
Thursday, October 28
thinking about Cec, not really sleepy. the story of us goes like this...i was really bad at maths, so a friend of mine brought me to this place at paya lebar walk. Home Tuition kinda thing but I still stink at maths. The teacher however tries her best though I am really that incorrigible. You see, I go there after school or after water-polo or other CCA training, of course I will fall asleep. There were lots of ppl there from all kinds of school and there was this particular grp who were really noisy (PLMGS) bunch. Then I asked my friend who brought me there who is this grp of ppl and why are they so restless...ya like I am not? Well, from word of mouth, discovered that the girl who keeps playing with her fringe is the oldest daughter of the Maths tuition teacher (main character here, supporting as follows) and a friend who has a mouth so big that a truck can just park in there. They are hilarious together, making fun of each other and gossiping as if DAYS OF OUR LIVES are their sutras. My time there has been fun, friends that is highlight. Grew fond of someone overtime...but hey...I am dating someone already hiaz...what's going to happen??? I grew fond of the tuition teacher's oldest daughter, at that time she was like sec 2 and I was dating a sec 3 girl from the same skool!!! how scandalous!!! mundane heart...sinfully flirty without the love of God.
okay...story stops here and will continue...hehehe, will tell you more about a girl who likes to eat congee with ice cubes in it (*________*) interesting huh. DOn't laugh, she is my partner mind you ( .\/. );; *YAWN* Going to sleep. Dear God, I pray that you will lay me to sleep and impart me the wisdom to carry out this faith you put in me. I pray that healing will come upon two person tonight, Cec and steph. One food poisoning, the other flu and headache. Thank you for the truth you have shown me by your anointed ppl and words of the bible. Love you Jesus, love you God.
Amen...One Way and that is Yah Weh!
okay...story stops here and will continue...hehehe, will tell you more about a girl who likes to eat congee with ice cubes in it (*________*) interesting huh. DOn't laugh, she is my partner mind you ( .\/. );; *YAWN* Going to sleep. Dear God, I pray that you will lay me to sleep and impart me the wisdom to carry out this faith you put in me. I pray that healing will come upon two person tonight, Cec and steph. One food poisoning, the other flu and headache. Thank you for the truth you have shown me by your anointed ppl and words of the bible. Love you Jesus, love you God.
Amen...One Way and that is Yah Weh!
Wednesday, October 27
you know, i came to a point where i don't give a hoot if she is going to meet me or not. Cos I guess expectancy brings much sadness only, but if you love, do you not expect. OH PAINS OF LOVE! God it is so much simpler to love you, why is the heart of man so flirtatous and whoreful towards you?
she says she'll go malaysia and be back to meet eet few days back but today she says another thing. Not that I am angry or what? It is just that she called me when i was having prayer meeting hence I can't pick the phone up and when I call back, she hungs the phone. It pisses me so bad! Don't want to deal with it anymore...the cycle has gone thru more than once...I am so wearied by it.
she doesn't like side parting nor she does with eyeliner...so telling her that she can be more beautiful is taboo? I don't get. Fine, i won't compliment anymore. i won't. If I can don't talk to my mom for three months, I can do this ( .\/. );;
talking about my mom, I quarrelled with her big time about her "BIG BABY JAN" you see, my bro waits for gifts to shower upon him or he takes the money and splurges on the things that he wants, not need. And the things he need, where does he get from? ME, ME ME ME...simple things like socks? I need black socks to go to work and he doesn't have the decent sensibiity to buy a pair for himself. One morning I actually wore white socks to work (thank goodness didn't get caught) Jan doesn't know the seriousness. Wait till i take his army socks and wear, see how is he going to report to his field instructor!
all i want from him is acknowledgement, knowing who's things is whose? Ask and you can borrow type of relationship...is it hard? One sad thing is that, he never gets me anything for my birthday, and it hurts each year...for his birthday, I'll get him something for sure! If I am broke, I at least take him out for a movie. But for me...hmph...i don't know what is going on in his head. Selfish shit...God pls take this unhealthy spirit that lurks out in me and banish it into smitters cos I need peace. i don't need all this mundane or superficial squabbles or conversations with anyone of the family. Amen.
i hate quarreling with my mom. you know what...that's it...I'll not take a cent from her ever! I don't want to depend on her, I lead my life and she as her own. I pray that God can improve this relationship between me and her. Cos it sucks big time. It is obvious that Jan is so pampered by her and she jumps into defence...saying this is family, that is family. If it is...I hope she can recall what she did to me back in secondary school. A hell of a memory for me to keep huh...shitty tears! Argh!@!! I hate feeling this way...I want God...I want to be like Moses, wanting God that much till he almost got a cardiac arrest. Hmmm...that is so scary...divine fear I hope.
Today's rehearsal and prayer meeting was the only highlight. It seems that God is disallowing Cec to meet me so that I can meet Him. God, you are real...and truly in control. If so, please guide me correctly to my life partner, cos now it is all quite muddled. I love her but is she the one You have prepared for me? Give me a sign God, let her heal people, rise up as worship leader, proclaim your name like there's no tomorrow...show me a sign God! For you have shown me grace. Thank you Jesus. Love you.
*groans* NS life resumes in 7hrs time
she says she'll go malaysia and be back to meet eet few days back but today she says another thing. Not that I am angry or what? It is just that she called me when i was having prayer meeting hence I can't pick the phone up and when I call back, she hungs the phone. It pisses me so bad! Don't want to deal with it anymore...the cycle has gone thru more than once...I am so wearied by it.
she doesn't like side parting nor she does with eyeliner...so telling her that she can be more beautiful is taboo? I don't get. Fine, i won't compliment anymore. i won't. If I can don't talk to my mom for three months, I can do this ( .\/. );;
talking about my mom, I quarrelled with her big time about her "BIG BABY JAN" you see, my bro waits for gifts to shower upon him or he takes the money and splurges on the things that he wants, not need. And the things he need, where does he get from? ME, ME ME ME...simple things like socks? I need black socks to go to work and he doesn't have the decent sensibiity to buy a pair for himself. One morning I actually wore white socks to work (thank goodness didn't get caught) Jan doesn't know the seriousness. Wait till i take his army socks and wear, see how is he going to report to his field instructor!
all i want from him is acknowledgement, knowing who's things is whose? Ask and you can borrow type of relationship...is it hard? One sad thing is that, he never gets me anything for my birthday, and it hurts each year...for his birthday, I'll get him something for sure! If I am broke, I at least take him out for a movie. But for me...hmph...i don't know what is going on in his head. Selfish shit...God pls take this unhealthy spirit that lurks out in me and banish it into smitters cos I need peace. i don't need all this mundane or superficial squabbles or conversations with anyone of the family. Amen.
i hate quarreling with my mom. you know what...that's it...I'll not take a cent from her ever! I don't want to depend on her, I lead my life and she as her own. I pray that God can improve this relationship between me and her. Cos it sucks big time. It is obvious that Jan is so pampered by her and she jumps into defence...saying this is family, that is family. If it is...I hope she can recall what she did to me back in secondary school. A hell of a memory for me to keep huh...shitty tears! Argh!@!! I hate feeling this way...I want God...I want to be like Moses, wanting God that much till he almost got a cardiac arrest. Hmmm...that is so scary...divine fear I hope.
Today's rehearsal and prayer meeting was the only highlight. It seems that God is disallowing Cec to meet me so that I can meet Him. God, you are real...and truly in control. If so, please guide me correctly to my life partner, cos now it is all quite muddled. I love her but is she the one You have prepared for me? Give me a sign God, let her heal people, rise up as worship leader, proclaim your name like there's no tomorrow...show me a sign God! For you have shown me grace. Thank you Jesus. Love you.
*groans* NS life resumes in 7hrs time
Tuesday, October 26
today i slept like a pig till like 12pm just in time for rehearsal at PHQ. For the first time I feel happy going to work because it is afterall theatre work. Didn't go to work in the morning because work in national service is boring and I hate it since day one! But God put me there to mould my patience and gave me an all advice giving supervisor. Her birthday was two days ago and I forgot! Today bought her a birthday card...how pathetic, thought that counts?
Monday, October 25
today was really weird. Worship by Lai Yien is like carbon copy, should we live our hands because she tells us to? So instructional. Every worship is the same,but to each its own. Perhaps God made her destiny in worship to praise Him like this, for this I give praise to God for her. Altar call today after service was weird also...it feels like my pastor is milking the session to allow more ppl to come to the fornt to be prayed for, but alas, only a small group of ppl. In an instance I thought and prayed God, should have let you right? Not man...He ah milk until the cow got no milk kind, unsatisfactory feeling of response? Not sure.
youth worship practice was long today and it was only three songs...manage only to practise till the second. Bad news for next week...God, we humble our heart to let you have all control...
tom i have rehearsal for Service Excellence Day, going to direct a short play for the Police Quality Branch. A bunch of untrained but eager actors awaits...what should I do...God pls let this talent you have instilled in me to blossom slowly but sure ly tom...In you I believe.
God Bless Cec as always...keep her from stress and harm! Give her more time!!!
youth worship practice was long today and it was only three songs...manage only to practise till the second. Bad news for next week...God, we humble our heart to let you have all control...
tom i have rehearsal for Service Excellence Day, going to direct a short play for the Police Quality Branch. A bunch of untrained but eager actors awaits...what should I do...God pls let this talent you have instilled in me to blossom slowly but sure ly tom...In you I believe.
God Bless Cec as always...keep her from stress and harm! Give her more time!!!
Sunday, October 17
today I went to the most perculiar place called Sunshine Plaza at Selegie Rd and stmble upon the most intrigueing culture called "Anime Fad" at least three shops were like selling handmade figurines and another selling collectables. Not forgetting, anime cartoon series as well,my favourite however they didn't have what I want cos the owner was away for that moment. Macross Zero was the series I am sourcing for...sigh.
Food was like "WAH" there cos there was this tiny honk kong kopitiam feeling kinda shop selling Dim Sum. A must try the next time I go there. I discover that the more I go out, the more I realise there are things to be explored. I feel dumb staying at home at times, especially the past few weeks. I need fresh air...though i don't have any partner who wish to breath the same air as me well...I'll just do it myself or maybe God will bring me to her.
From today onwards, I will watch Honk Kong Serials myself. A guidline to impose upon myself. A sudden "HATE" for it...not sure why? My mood changes rapidly this few days, but is fair to the people around me? I am not sure and I don't want to deal with it.There is a wanting of company these few days and I'm lack of it...someone that can hang out with me, talk to me and everything.
Food was like "WAH" there cos there was this tiny honk kong kopitiam feeling kinda shop selling Dim Sum. A must try the next time I go there. I discover that the more I go out, the more I realise there are things to be explored. I feel dumb staying at home at times, especially the past few weeks. I need fresh air...though i don't have any partner who wish to breath the same air as me well...I'll just do it myself or maybe God will bring me to her.
From today onwards, I will watch Honk Kong Serials myself. A guidline to impose upon myself. A sudden "HATE" for it...not sure why? My mood changes rapidly this few days, but is fair to the people around me? I am not sure and I don't want to deal with it.There is a wanting of company these few days and I'm lack of it...someone that can hang out with me, talk to me and everything.
Tuesday, October 12
i still cannot figure out the template for this blog thingy. Usually can edit text and so forth but now is boring one tone text!!! Hiaz...
Today Shiyuan came over today to spend the morning afternoon with me. But me being the restless bloke, slept it through leaving her to eat lunch all by HERSELF? Hmmm, shouldn't but was really tired. Body can actually work against the brain.Thinking of going shop shop later at Far East Plaza. Totally need to change my whole wardrobe, too many small tees that i can't wear. Going to work now...1300hrs...sianz!!! Only one NS boy in the office, cannot let him be alone.
Today Shiyuan came over today to spend the morning afternoon with me. But me being the restless bloke, slept it through leaving her to eat lunch all by HERSELF? Hmmm, shouldn't but was really tired. Body can actually work against the brain.Thinking of going shop shop later at Far East Plaza. Totally need to change my whole wardrobe, too many small tees that i can't wear. Going to work now...1300hrs...sianz!!! Only one NS boy in the office, cannot let him be alone.
Sunday, October 10
today went to the botanical gardens which is quite a disaster. All my cell mates all pulled a long face as they find walking to the garden a total horrid experience. Perhaps it is becos I made a wrong turn by taking a wrong bus...most likely
Christians in Singapore is so taken care of, very blessed with the things needed in a early age hence giving that comfort level. CHildren in Third world country, have nothing. All they have is bare faith and desperation for salvation. Now, if we put them together and cry out for GOd, who will He listen to more? For me I think it'll be THird world one. We really lack of that desperation cos of all the S**** load of crap we take each day from the world with cash, media and corrupted values. God put upon us a DESPERATION for the spirit that will assist us to do wonders for you GOd.
Today after a session of karaoke at K BOX. I heard it again...the song by Sun Yanzi "Wo Bu Nan Guo" Someone put that song in my ears before and it stayed there. Really don't want it to happen ever. Think i'll would really just wait for her...
03. Somewhere I Belong 03:33
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find/That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
It's gone]
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own
I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today
I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong
This was a cool song. Only figured it today. Linkin Park Rocks!!! But Jesus is the ROCKEST!!!
Christians in Singapore is so taken care of, very blessed with the things needed in a early age hence giving that comfort level. CHildren in Third world country, have nothing. All they have is bare faith and desperation for salvation. Now, if we put them together and cry out for GOd, who will He listen to more? For me I think it'll be THird world one. We really lack of that desperation cos of all the S**** load of crap we take each day from the world with cash, media and corrupted values. God put upon us a DESPERATION for the spirit that will assist us to do wonders for you GOd.
Today after a session of karaoke at K BOX. I heard it again...the song by Sun Yanzi "Wo Bu Nan Guo" Someone put that song in my ears before and it stayed there. Really don't want it to happen ever. Think i'll would really just wait for her...
03. Somewhere I Belong 03:33
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find/That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
It's gone]
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own
I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today
I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong
This was a cool song. Only figured it today. Linkin Park Rocks!!! But Jesus is the ROCKEST!!!
Monday, October 4
Sunday, October 3
i am at Singapore Idol to be's house...David Yeo that is
watching Man U vs Middlesbro but now half time so decided to blog a little
friends are really always there...true ones that is
always opening up their houses, very sincere to help...Thank God for "friendships"
wholesome one of course.
tom my mdm and colleague not reporting for work
hence I think it will be *lax* day tomorrow
suddenly got strange feeling
don't know whether presents will be at my doorstep tom???
(^________^)^
watching Man U vs Middlesbro but now half time so decided to blog a little
friends are really always there...true ones that is
always opening up their houses, very sincere to help...Thank God for "friendships"
wholesome one of course.
tom my mdm and colleague not reporting for work
hence I think it will be *lax* day tomorrow
suddenly got strange feeling
don't know whether presents will be at my doorstep tom???
(^________^)^
never thought I could just let go...it has been a week and in four hours time it'll be my birthday. How "wonderful" spending the eve of my brithday alone.
Wish God can be a pal and hang with me downtown.There was a time when all this happened before. The thing about these downs is that they leave you with a revoking after taste in your life.And in this matter, it is about a relationship that went on for two plus years.I want to stop thinking about it but can't. Hope it isn't a curse, but the fact of the matter is that it got off in the wrong foot.Gotten together in my least spiritually strong era.And now God gave me more and telling me to stop, I did.All I did in His command...What He want of me?...I am running away now, like Joseph to Potiphar's wife, I want to run. Dear God, teach me to run please! I'm on my knees. I want a refresh anointing upon my life to burst out from the ashes of sluggard gloom. I need to grow. Give direction Father!
Police days are ending in three months time. It was like yesterday which I will complain non stop about it.Can't wait to start the whole theatre engine working again, though money does come into an issue. I owe Mrs Koh $586 for the Korean trip.You know, she told me that the trip was $1500, never did she say about the tax or anything of surplus.I need to go away for awhile after this, need to find God in all areas.Need to remind myself to pay $$$ of course...sigh...I need a sugar mommy! Or a DIVINE INTERVENTION to let me get my hands on some cash to pay her back. Literally living off with scraps...I am that poor.God if I don't pay you your dues, pls warn me harshly...Cos the thoughts of evil desires arises everytime I thrive in your SPirit.
I thank God for Angela, Mel and Serena. They stood by me when I am at the bottom of the pits. God pls give them portions of blessings which they truly deserves.
I wanna be alone with Him now.Cheerios ( .\/. );;
Wish God can be a pal and hang with me downtown.There was a time when all this happened before. The thing about these downs is that they leave you with a revoking after taste in your life.And in this matter, it is about a relationship that went on for two plus years.I want to stop thinking about it but can't. Hope it isn't a curse, but the fact of the matter is that it got off in the wrong foot.Gotten together in my least spiritually strong era.And now God gave me more and telling me to stop, I did.All I did in His command...What He want of me?...I am running away now, like Joseph to Potiphar's wife, I want to run. Dear God, teach me to run please! I'm on my knees. I want a refresh anointing upon my life to burst out from the ashes of sluggard gloom. I need to grow. Give direction Father!
Police days are ending in three months time. It was like yesterday which I will complain non stop about it.Can't wait to start the whole theatre engine working again, though money does come into an issue. I owe Mrs Koh $586 for the Korean trip.You know, she told me that the trip was $1500, never did she say about the tax or anything of surplus.I need to go away for awhile after this, need to find God in all areas.Need to remind myself to pay $$$ of course...sigh...I need a sugar mommy! Or a DIVINE INTERVENTION to let me get my hands on some cash to pay her back. Literally living off with scraps...I am that poor.God if I don't pay you your dues, pls warn me harshly...Cos the thoughts of evil desires arises everytime I thrive in your SPirit.
I thank God for Angela, Mel and Serena. They stood by me when I am at the bottom of the pits. God pls give them portions of blessings which they truly deserves.
I wanna be alone with Him now.Cheerios ( .\/. );;
Saturday, October 2
Friday, October 1
Thursday, September 30
watching "Singapore Idol" waiting for friend Chin Hao to appear. Really hope he goes thru though but my mom and I are rooting for Maia. She got nice cheeks and an adorable child.
today took half day again.Another of this nonsense and I'll have no more leave to go mission trip.I have this stupid thought not to go but I know I just have to. I pray that God will provide me the resources to ship me there. Thailand,watch out for the HOLY SPIRIT! In Jesus name be awed by God. Indeed God works and plans things in His own time, though it is quite a tad bit muddled right now :( dug up some of the past letters she sent me, about some theory that humans enjoy doing things that are wrong, like you know blatantly that it is wrong but still do it. However, how we know what's right and wrong in this world...I put it to God's light and then it comes to pass. Sigh...I'm such evil perhaps in another person's world...different lah
Chin Hao sang well...but the boring judges slammed it, WHAT THE...! David deserves more though I think he can do ballads which suits him or maybe I am wrong.
Hang out with Mel last night, feeling the effects only in the morning but it was great company. Though Jap horror flicks really not up to par with Korean ones liao...sigh...Nihon, Nane a ten no? Gonna catch My Sassy Girl later, maybe it'll show me destiny somehow...ya sure!
There is a grey bear staring right at me
with a "Me to You" sign on it's foot
grey suggests sadness
my grey bear will be in the cupboard soon
don't want to be sad
though I know it'll take a *damn* long time
need some royal chubs to torture...hehehe
cheerios
looking forward to Sunday, able to be with Christian Community again :)
today took half day again.Another of this nonsense and I'll have no more leave to go mission trip.I have this stupid thought not to go but I know I just have to. I pray that God will provide me the resources to ship me there. Thailand,watch out for the HOLY SPIRIT! In Jesus name be awed by God. Indeed God works and plans things in His own time, though it is quite a tad bit muddled right now :( dug up some of the past letters she sent me, about some theory that humans enjoy doing things that are wrong, like you know blatantly that it is wrong but still do it. However, how we know what's right and wrong in this world...I put it to God's light and then it comes to pass. Sigh...I'm such evil perhaps in another person's world...different lah
Chin Hao sang well...but the boring judges slammed it, WHAT THE...! David deserves more though I think he can do ballads which suits him or maybe I am wrong.
Hang out with Mel last night, feeling the effects only in the morning but it was great company. Though Jap horror flicks really not up to par with Korean ones liao...sigh...Nihon, Nane a ten no? Gonna catch My Sassy Girl later, maybe it'll show me destiny somehow...ya sure!
There is a grey bear staring right at me
with a "Me to You" sign on it's foot
grey suggests sadness
my grey bear will be in the cupboard soon
don't want to be sad
though I know it'll take a *damn* long time
need some royal chubs to torture...hehehe
cheerios
looking forward to Sunday, able to be with Christian Community again :)
Tuesday, September 28
It is time to blog.
It is six days away to my birthday and I did the unthinkable
I chased away the girl whom I promised to love and a girl who will love me for all that I am.
Why??? Ian.
My Dad's death anniversary just passed. Perhaps it is a subconcious memory that locks all my sad moments into this period of time. Never did I really want this to happen but I hear the voice "Let go" a long time ago. I don't want to to cheapen her by being with her now cos we are in such wreck. We stepped into the part of the garden where God says no and now we are paying the price for it.I want to reach for God but can't, and I am doing more harm than good to Cec.
Perhaps it is for the better. She ask me if I want her to forget me...of course I will say no. But then it would be a curse! Perhaps it is a curse to be a guy already.Doing all this without realising the effects it has on the other party.
She is knocking on my door today, and I shut.How painful is that...very very very*
God has a answer to all this fiasco. Giving the notion for the senior pastor to talk about finding destiny and the right partner...THANKS PASTOR TIAK...you make it so wonderful for me...*shit* I'll just listen to God...and it is true enough for me to hear it clear "let go"
maybe in another three years...Yuan will be ready and uplifted by God because she reached it. She deserves better...not me...I'm just a honest puck, who is poor and not realistic.
Relationships are such headaches. It qualifies to love only when expectations are met, when not met, things start happening...sad things. For Cec, she still loves at all odds. There is a huge scar in my heart but in order for God to come in,this must go out first. Lord Jesus, please take me...cleanse me and take me...out of this place.
Sitting with the leaders of youth ministry was a dread last friday. All they can say is please do what is right, break up with her, it is your destiny we are talking about...easy said than done...they don't know the emotional roller-coaster that goes thru before all this. So bring your prophetic theories and ship out...I need listeners than captains...care givers then telling where to get it myself...love is a strange thing. But it is all gone now.
Corinthians 13...failed...drastically
ian and cec lies here in the wake of 290904
abruptly...only He knows the future
He and I have today. Tom is yet to come.
She'll find someone better.
It is six days away to my birthday and I did the unthinkable
I chased away the girl whom I promised to love and a girl who will love me for all that I am.
Why??? Ian.
My Dad's death anniversary just passed. Perhaps it is a subconcious memory that locks all my sad moments into this period of time. Never did I really want this to happen but I hear the voice "Let go" a long time ago. I don't want to to cheapen her by being with her now cos we are in such wreck. We stepped into the part of the garden where God says no and now we are paying the price for it.I want to reach for God but can't, and I am doing more harm than good to Cec.
Perhaps it is for the better. She ask me if I want her to forget me...of course I will say no. But then it would be a curse! Perhaps it is a curse to be a guy already.Doing all this without realising the effects it has on the other party.
She is knocking on my door today, and I shut.How painful is that...very very very*
God has a answer to all this fiasco. Giving the notion for the senior pastor to talk about finding destiny and the right partner...THANKS PASTOR TIAK...you make it so wonderful for me...*shit* I'll just listen to God...and it is true enough for me to hear it clear "let go"
maybe in another three years...Yuan will be ready and uplifted by God because she reached it. She deserves better...not me...I'm just a honest puck, who is poor and not realistic.
Relationships are such headaches. It qualifies to love only when expectations are met, when not met, things start happening...sad things. For Cec, she still loves at all odds. There is a huge scar in my heart but in order for God to come in,this must go out first. Lord Jesus, please take me...cleanse me and take me...out of this place.
Sitting with the leaders of youth ministry was a dread last friday. All they can say is please do what is right, break up with her, it is your destiny we are talking about...easy said than done...they don't know the emotional roller-coaster that goes thru before all this. So bring your prophetic theories and ship out...I need listeners than captains...care givers then telling where to get it myself...love is a strange thing. But it is all gone now.
Corinthians 13...failed...drastically
ian and cec lies here in the wake of 290904
abruptly...only He knows the future
He and I have today. Tom is yet to come.
She'll find someone better.
Friday, January 23
girl in a corner crying
teddy bear on one hand, rubbing her eye with the other
she looked up, showing tearful eyes to her mother
"you have one already"her mom said
her hopes of a new toy surely it fades
they went home though with each other
girl in a corner crying
teddy bear on one hand, holding her mom with the other~ianloy
another day worthy to be forgotten passes
what new day will God bring tomorrow
in Him I will surely trust
in Him nothing is of not certain
praise to Him always
woke up and can't sleep
writing blog
as the time races within the clock
what new day will God bring
as he has the keys to the future and destiny of our locks
teddy bear on one hand, rubbing her eye with the other
she looked up, showing tearful eyes to her mother
"you have one already"her mom said
her hopes of a new toy surely it fades
they went home though with each other
girl in a corner crying
teddy bear on one hand, holding her mom with the other~ianloy
another day worthy to be forgotten passes
what new day will God bring tomorrow
in Him I will surely trust
in Him nothing is of not certain
praise to Him always
woke up and can't sleep
writing blog
as the time races within the clock
what new day will God bring
as he has the keys to the future and destiny of our locks
Wednesday, January 14
i couldn't sleep cos I had minor squabble with Yuan.
looks like it has been a long long time since i have updated.
no more transfer already
staying put at Bedok station for good. And perhaps it is a good thing after all cos I have
a tad bit more time
but yuan says not enough
but I want to try
God must come first naturally then all will fall in place
really it would, i just know
I NEED TO LISTEN TO YUAN
cos she mean well for me. I will have a resolution
that is to sleep 1130pm everynight on the dot...
I would...I really would
to prove to my dear I am serious about her
minor setbacks today cos of Prayer meeting and late dinner but it won't stop
me. yuan, you must give me chance ya
you can have space to be angry but you cannot have space to neglect me kay
or abandon me
really love you a lot though you bicker about my bad habits a lot
for own good. ya
God was exremely real on Sunday
talk to Esther whom thru God's grace came down to church
still her shy nature but lovable
just like the three monkeys i know that live in ubi
Pray that God will help her in all ways to reach the spiritual Father that lives ever and ever
looks like it has been a long long time since i have updated.
no more transfer already
staying put at Bedok station for good. And perhaps it is a good thing after all cos I have
a tad bit more time
but yuan says not enough
but I want to try
God must come first naturally then all will fall in place
really it would, i just know
I NEED TO LISTEN TO YUAN
cos she mean well for me. I will have a resolution
that is to sleep 1130pm everynight on the dot...
I would...I really would
to prove to my dear I am serious about her
minor setbacks today cos of Prayer meeting and late dinner but it won't stop
me. yuan, you must give me chance ya
you can have space to be angry but you cannot have space to neglect me kay
or abandon me
really love you a lot though you bicker about my bad habits a lot
for own good. ya
God was exremely real on Sunday
talk to Esther whom thru God's grace came down to church
still her shy nature but lovable
just like the three monkeys i know that live in ubi
Pray that God will help her in all ways to reach the spiritual Father that lives ever and ever
Saturday, November 1
Today is stay-in Saturday
Went for SGT course in the morning then came back home to have
a snooze marathon till now.
Receive mail from Luanne. Miss her a lot. All those fun times
in Lasalle-SIA and playing mahjong...i want them all back :(
Not seeing Yuan for awhile. Don't understand how she can take it...perhaps
it is the drive of exam and stuff. I'll just find other things to do.
See lah Ian, never go out with your other friends, now very awkard to call them out right???
Stupid me.
I guess I have to start letting go and not being so commited commited. Not that I don't love Yuan.
I do love her very much but I think I have forsaken my own space for her.
I need to come back to my orgin being. Wah lau...so many 'I'
would sound like I'm very "ego"
TRANSFER is within my grasp*
My head of office has given me two weeks to consider my transfer
from now there is one week left
Want to make myself happier really...don't mind going to somewhere nearer to my place
the mornings would be much much better for me
Miss my dear...STOP IT IAN
so whiny!!!
just forget about it and do the rest of the things you want to do always lah
1) Shopping
2) Meeting up with old friends
3) Readings
4) GO to Zoo myself
Maybe I should go there tom. I just like to see animals.
Went for SGT course in the morning then came back home to have
a snooze marathon till now.
Receive mail from Luanne. Miss her a lot. All those fun times
in Lasalle-SIA and playing mahjong...i want them all back :(
Not seeing Yuan for awhile. Don't understand how she can take it...perhaps
it is the drive of exam and stuff. I'll just find other things to do.
See lah Ian, never go out with your other friends, now very awkard to call them out right???
Stupid me.
I guess I have to start letting go and not being so commited commited. Not that I don't love Yuan.
I do love her very much but I think I have forsaken my own space for her.
I need to come back to my orgin being. Wah lau...so many 'I'
would sound like I'm very "ego"
TRANSFER is within my grasp*
My head of office has given me two weeks to consider my transfer
from now there is one week left
Want to make myself happier really...don't mind going to somewhere nearer to my place
the mornings would be much much better for me
Miss my dear...STOP IT IAN
so whiny!!!
just forget about it and do the rest of the things you want to do always lah
1) Shopping
2) Meeting up with old friends
3) Readings
4) GO to Zoo myself
Maybe I should go there tom. I just like to see animals.
Wednesday, October 15
tom is Service Excellence Day 2003
for the Police Force
oerforming in a musical for them to highlight the
importance of Service Excellence *bored*
Throughout all the rehearsals
I just couldn't concentrate cos of the workload
thinking what my mdm is saying about me behind my back
to SPF I think I am just a number
...very easy to be erase from the rest and replaced by another
this is what my mdm thought me also
besides the many useful things she teaches me
How can you casually say that you want to transfer me???
do you know how haunting is that???
I know I may be average in my job but I know I am good for something but not
in your DAMN BLOODY F**KING office
don't even give me space to think
when you want something...you expect it to be done beautifully and everything
well...life isn't like that
WAKE UP
though it can
it depends on what kind of mentality you are going forth with
Even me and Yuan don't go really smooth
but squabbles do happen
then constructive building happens between us
But between me and you, MDM
kiss my ASS *(&()&#@$%
(*_*)
Argh!
feel so much better now.
The same old thing...can't wait till March 2005 (ORD)
for the Police Force
oerforming in a musical for them to highlight the
importance of Service Excellence *bored*
Throughout all the rehearsals
I just couldn't concentrate cos of the workload
thinking what my mdm is saying about me behind my back
to SPF I think I am just a number
...very easy to be erase from the rest and replaced by another
this is what my mdm thought me also
besides the many useful things she teaches me
How can you casually say that you want to transfer me???
do you know how haunting is that???
I know I may be average in my job but I know I am good for something but not
in your DAMN BLOODY F**KING office
don't even give me space to think
when you want something...you expect it to be done beautifully and everything
well...life isn't like that
WAKE UP
though it can
it depends on what kind of mentality you are going forth with
Even me and Yuan don't go really smooth
but squabbles do happen
then constructive building happens between us
But between me and you, MDM
kiss my ASS *(&()&#@$%
(*_*)
Argh!
feel so much better now.
The same old thing...can't wait till March 2005 (ORD)
Monday, October 13
Today sucks big time.
Total evident that my mdm doesn't trust me.
I told the organisers my predicament in the PNSF dept that I am in
that I have responsibilities which I find it hard to shun
and not sure if my mdm would allow me to go for the
many rehearsals they have scheduled
for me.
Then they have to email my commander then cc to my mdm a nasty mail from
I don't know who.
Quote "SC Cpl Ian Loy expresses fear and doubts over his attendance on the scheduled rehearsals."
Wah lau...who in the right mind would right such a insensitive mail
no tact involved at all.
Feel so lousy. Worst of all...
My mdm says I'll be better off transferred out.
When she said that, the funny thing was
that happiness and sunshine came bustling
into my mind.
I don't mind the transfer as it'll really take the needless pressure off from me.
I miss my dear
very very much.
She gotten her driving licence already
better get mine soon otherwise I'll lose out
but I won't
Singapore transport system is already so good. Who knows
in future, no cars are to be on the road.
Love you dear.
Can't wait till the next time i see you
Church has been delightful lately
don't know why
maybe God is trying to get me back but I'm still at halt
(*_*) bothers!
Total evident that my mdm doesn't trust me.
I told the organisers my predicament in the PNSF dept that I am in
that I have responsibilities which I find it hard to shun
and not sure if my mdm would allow me to go for the
many rehearsals they have scheduled
for me.
Then they have to email my commander then cc to my mdm a nasty mail from
I don't know who.
Quote "SC Cpl Ian Loy expresses fear and doubts over his attendance on the scheduled rehearsals."
Wah lau...who in the right mind would right such a insensitive mail
no tact involved at all.
Feel so lousy. Worst of all...
My mdm says I'll be better off transferred out.
When she said that, the funny thing was
that happiness and sunshine came bustling
into my mind.
I don't mind the transfer as it'll really take the needless pressure off from me.
I miss my dear
very very much.
She gotten her driving licence already
better get mine soon otherwise I'll lose out
but I won't
Singapore transport system is already so good. Who knows
in future, no cars are to be on the road.
Love you dear.
Can't wait till the next time i see you
Church has been delightful lately
don't know why
maybe God is trying to get me back but I'm still at halt
(*_*) bothers!
Friday, September 26
wooo...longtime since I've blogged
anyway I'm in this MUSICAL now
for this coming Service Excellence Day happening in Oct
got chosen for a role.
Happy enough as it is the closest thing to theatre which I miss a lot.
Don't really like musical though it is still a form of art,
not my art but can learn lots from it.
17th of September passed not long ago
it has been one year since enlistment...woohoo!!!
another one and half year to go, actually one year and five months.
Please end fast...I have so much catching up to do as all my
friends are flying with the wind and I'm stuck in a can. ARGH!@$%&
just came out from bath, so refreshing
Tomorrow starts another boring day
will there be something to look forward to?
will perhaps some dinner my god sis parents will whip up
if I have the luck that is
anyways you know civil servants are always prone to be affected by whatever is
pro-people, hence they actually involved us the Police National Service people to join this
run at Bukit Timah Hill...and make it as if it is a game? Sigh, and all for promoting health...
Once a month or suggestion isn't enough to pink up your health, MR COMMANDER!
Oh goodness. Hope no FBI or ISD is looking thru this. Anyway I'm speaking through the
bottom of my heart.
They'll need a program straighten out each week, in order to have a concious healthy living...bleh
want to vomit liao...
I just want to finish and pack up.
anyway I'm in this MUSICAL now
for this coming Service Excellence Day happening in Oct
got chosen for a role.
Happy enough as it is the closest thing to theatre which I miss a lot.
Don't really like musical though it is still a form of art,
not my art but can learn lots from it.
17th of September passed not long ago
it has been one year since enlistment...woohoo!!!
another one and half year to go, actually one year and five months.
Please end fast...I have so much catching up to do as all my
friends are flying with the wind and I'm stuck in a can. ARGH!@$%&
just came out from bath, so refreshing
Tomorrow starts another boring day
will there be something to look forward to?
will perhaps some dinner my god sis parents will whip up
if I have the luck that is
anyways you know civil servants are always prone to be affected by whatever is
pro-people, hence they actually involved us the Police National Service people to join this
run at Bukit Timah Hill...and make it as if it is a game? Sigh, and all for promoting health...
Once a month or suggestion isn't enough to pink up your health, MR COMMANDER!
Oh goodness. Hope no FBI or ISD is looking thru this. Anyway I'm speaking through the
bottom of my heart.
They'll need a program straighten out each week, in order to have a concious healthy living...bleh
want to vomit liao...
I just want to finish and pack up.
Saturday, August 23
Thursday, August 21
Going for badminton selection tomorrow
quite excited actually
but a bit of a down mood today as I heard that
one of my close friends gotten Shell-Nac scholarship from NAC
I know i should be happy for her but I felt that I can excel in that area too
I'm wasting my two years in NS really
just doing my duty for the nation i guess
just can't escape
better read more to improve my theory on theatre so
that I can burst all out when I'm out of
the cage.
Lost my certificate stating my scholarship in 2001
Sigh...it's fine...I'll just ask from them again, if not I'll work doubly hard again
to improve my craft.
Going Sentosa for Real Run Nike
before that staying with Yuan's family at shangri-la
can't wait, though I have to run 10km
better run my best...the faster I run...the faster I get to spend time with Yuan.
These past days has been tough
jog and exercise to get the excess weight off my tummy.
I have to continue
I have too
I must
Argh!!! WILL POWER
where are you???
I need a driving license soon
my shorty friend had one already and she drove me home
so embarrassing. Well good and happy for her.
Hope I can take my test together with yuan, though
she already signed up due to a saboh
by RINA...
If you RINA, reading this...I WANT TO BOX YOU!!!
heh...kidding lah
Oyasumi (^_^)^
quite excited actually
but a bit of a down mood today as I heard that
one of my close friends gotten Shell-Nac scholarship from NAC
I know i should be happy for her but I felt that I can excel in that area too
I'm wasting my two years in NS really
just doing my duty for the nation i guess
just can't escape
better read more to improve my theory on theatre so
that I can burst all out when I'm out of
the cage.
Lost my certificate stating my scholarship in 2001
Sigh...it's fine...I'll just ask from them again, if not I'll work doubly hard again
to improve my craft.
Going Sentosa for Real Run Nike
before that staying with Yuan's family at shangri-la
can't wait, though I have to run 10km
better run my best...the faster I run...the faster I get to spend time with Yuan.
These past days has been tough
jog and exercise to get the excess weight off my tummy.
I have to continue
I have too
I must
Argh!!! WILL POWER
where are you???
I need a driving license soon
my shorty friend had one already and she drove me home
so embarrassing. Well good and happy for her.
Hope I can take my test together with yuan, though
she already signed up due to a saboh
by RINA...
If you RINA, reading this...I WANT TO BOX YOU!!!
heh...kidding lah
Oyasumi (^_^)^
Thursday, August 14
Tomorrow's IPPT is cancelled
sigh...have to report to station early to inform the officers...what a bother!
Got a hell of a tan with Yuan and Sunday
though we did squabble a little
made her cry and stuff
cos I told her about going over to rox's place for dinner and such
I too told her that me and rox are just best of buds
I understand why Yuan is upset
because I have to tell her before hand and not after
she too felt a tad bit lonely as CS is in aussie land
she can't share woes regarding me with anyone.
I feel terrible
I have bullied my partner
but I really love her
I'll just have to listen more I guess
need more communication.
Very Zzzzz...(@_@) _
need to crawl to bed
another day continue to bicker on here.
Goodnight my fellow monkeys
sigh...have to report to station early to inform the officers...what a bother!
Got a hell of a tan with Yuan and Sunday
though we did squabble a little
made her cry and stuff
cos I told her about going over to rox's place for dinner and such
I too told her that me and rox are just best of buds
I understand why Yuan is upset
because I have to tell her before hand and not after
she too felt a tad bit lonely as CS is in aussie land
she can't share woes regarding me with anyone.
I feel terrible
I have bullied my partner
but I really love her
I'll just have to listen more I guess
need more communication.
Very Zzzzz...(@_@) _
need to crawl to bed
another day continue to bicker on here.
Goodnight my fellow monkeys
Sunday, August 3
Evening already...
well it is a whole new experience not to care about anything or anyone today
felt a tad bit empty but at least there isn't anxiety
lying to myself again
maybe we won't even talk to each other anymore
perhaps that will solve the problems we have altogether
i don't know why things have to become like this.
Everything was fine...just because you don't like something, the whole world must be in it with you
just do it with your own effort and be happy (.\/.) or say it out...don't follow and regret, grumbling don't solve anything.
Sigh...what did I do???
What is a soulmate?
where can it be found?
How can it complete me?
Maybe the answer can never be found till...
I still not sure what have done
perhaps this is better for both of us
some breathing space
maybe this is a start for more quarrels to come
stupid quarrels that is
hate it hate it hate it
ya
perhaps
silence is really golden...f**k it!
well it is a whole new experience not to care about anything or anyone today
felt a tad bit empty but at least there isn't anxiety
lying to myself again
maybe we won't even talk to each other anymore
perhaps that will solve the problems we have altogether
i don't know why things have to become like this.
Everything was fine...just because you don't like something, the whole world must be in it with you
just do it with your own effort and be happy (.\/.) or say it out...don't follow and regret, grumbling don't solve anything.
Sigh...what did I do???
What is a soulmate?
where can it be found?
How can it complete me?
Maybe the answer can never be found till...
I still not sure what have done
perhaps this is better for both of us
some breathing space
maybe this is a start for more quarrels to come
stupid quarrels that is
hate it hate it hate it
ya
perhaps
silence is really golden...f**k it!
Another Sunday to stay at home.
and this time because of Macdonald's
as simple as that
Maybe her mom is right that it'll be dificult for both us.
Happiness is hard to find already.
don't really know what lies ahead of us if this continues.
what am I going to do today?
don't feel like doing anything also
just sleep thru my sunday
anyway I'm quite used to it already
or should I meet up with some friends...
hmmm...nah...stay at home
I guess I can live with this silence for awhile
tomorrow August workload comes
my mdm is still the same.
Gotten my SAR two days ago.
It's something like a report card which I need to fill it myself first
hope I can get a good grade, then again...
I'm only there cause it is a have to
do what you DEEM fit thinks it'll make you happy
who cares who oppose your idea of happiness...just do!
of course must be of positive category.
Maybe this will be my last blog.
cause...
cause...
cause...
forget it
and this time because of Macdonald's
as simple as that
Maybe her mom is right that it'll be dificult for both us.
Happiness is hard to find already.
don't really know what lies ahead of us if this continues.
what am I going to do today?
don't feel like doing anything also
just sleep thru my sunday
anyway I'm quite used to it already
or should I meet up with some friends...
hmmm...nah...stay at home
I guess I can live with this silence for awhile
tomorrow August workload comes
my mdm is still the same.
Gotten my SAR two days ago.
It's something like a report card which I need to fill it myself first
hope I can get a good grade, then again...
I'm only there cause it is a have to
do what you DEEM fit thinks it'll make you happy
who cares who oppose your idea of happiness...just do!
of course must be of positive category.
Maybe this will be my last blog.
cause...
cause...
cause...
forget it
Friday, August 1
(6_^) not so great today
feeling damn sleepy whole week long.
My mom's birthday today, or rather yesterday
but only getting her something this weekend
sharing present with cecilia
she don't find the need to talk to someone if she doesn't feel like it
hmmm...okay...fair enough
not pushing anything also
that's her, nothing got to do with me.
She can do whatever as long as her world is intact
and there is a smile on her face
nothing really matters
(@_@)~sleepy
Oyasumi....everybody!
Lots of redundant work tomorrow as usual
feeling damn sleepy whole week long.
My mom's birthday today, or rather yesterday
but only getting her something this weekend
sharing present with cecilia
she don't find the need to talk to someone if she doesn't feel like it
hmmm...okay...fair enough
not pushing anything also
that's her, nothing got to do with me.
She can do whatever as long as her world is intact
and there is a smile on her face
nothing really matters
(@_@)~sleepy
Oyasumi....everybody!
Lots of redundant work tomorrow as usual
Friday, July 25
S A T U R D A Y
have to wait that long just to see my dear...argh!
Listening to chopin now. One of my fave pianist though most favourite is of course the one who plays
occasionally for me (^_^)
Feel sleepy but don't wish to sleep
work awaits me tomorrow at my desk
I want them to all go away hence need to get all of them done
by this week that is.
My mom's birthday is coming
but I am as broke as can be
what am I going to do...have "dough" coming in on the 29th
so not all that bad.
Suppose to meet up with some of my friends today but in the end
all couldn't make it.
I wonder when Faith will be coming back
Miss her...and she says that she is more than willing to have me over to work for her.
Hope I could be up to the task.
I am getting rusty in theatre practice sigh!
Need to polish up as soon as NS nightmare is over.
where is dear today?
watching Bachelorette...maybe she wants to be one
fine. No qualms
I'll shut up now
Goodnight world
Oyasumi...
have to wait that long just to see my dear...argh!
Listening to chopin now. One of my fave pianist though most favourite is of course the one who plays
occasionally for me (^_^)
Feel sleepy but don't wish to sleep
work awaits me tomorrow at my desk
I want them to all go away hence need to get all of them done
by this week that is.
My mom's birthday is coming
but I am as broke as can be
what am I going to do...have "dough" coming in on the 29th
so not all that bad.
Suppose to meet up with some of my friends today but in the end
all couldn't make it.
I wonder when Faith will be coming back
Miss her...and she says that she is more than willing to have me over to work for her.
Hope I could be up to the task.
I am getting rusty in theatre practice sigh!
Need to polish up as soon as NS nightmare is over.
where is dear today?
watching Bachelorette...maybe she wants to be one
fine. No qualms
I'll shut up now
Goodnight world
Oyasumi...
Thursday, July 24
A boy tried all means and ways to convince his parents to buy this toy which he has set his eyes on.
He also managed to be thrifty and saved enough just to prove his eagerness.
And finally he bought it. He treasured it and loved it. He gave all attention to it that everything was
just its background.
As years passby...the toy stood on the shelf
the eagerness that was on it grew up and set his sights on others.
dust settles slowly on the toy
soon forgotten.
As more years passby, the eager boy turned grey
grey in age that is.
He looked into the box which he kept his past
found something familiar
the toy which he loved. He regret and wept.
Why did he grew up?
I don't want to grow up cos I always want to love the toy.
It's that feeling of being with it lost but rekindled,
however too late
I really wish I won't grow up.
Peter Pan I can be?
YAWN! Sleepy...I'll turn in now
He also managed to be thrifty and saved enough just to prove his eagerness.
And finally he bought it. He treasured it and loved it. He gave all attention to it that everything was
just its background.
As years passby...the toy stood on the shelf
the eagerness that was on it grew up and set his sights on others.
dust settles slowly on the toy
soon forgotten.
As more years passby, the eager boy turned grey
grey in age that is.
He looked into the box which he kept his past
found something familiar
the toy which he loved. He regret and wept.
Why did he grew up?
I don't want to grow up cos I always want to love the toy.
It's that feeling of being with it lost but rekindled,
however too late
I really wish I won't grow up.
Peter Pan I can be?
YAWN! Sleepy...I'll turn in now
Monday, July 21
:( Made my dear cry again
all I want to do is to be with her
though maybe I have thought of isn't
really meant for it to be.
Apologised to her...
Told her about clothes that will look good on her. Insult or
compliment? She doesn't like it
I need to be empathatic, otherwise she'll be hurt again.
Always feel sad when she crys. But after she crys, she smiles again.
I'm confused by her sometimes.
Next week busy week. So many things to do and tuesday got volleyball tournament
which I don't think my ma'm would let me go. Hence
I have decided that I shall stay in office to do
work and more work...sigh
Argh! In two weeks time...is my MOM's birthday
what the heck am I going to get her?
Last year I bought her cake and celebrated for her
so this year?
all I want to do is to be with her
though maybe I have thought of isn't
really meant for it to be.
Apologised to her...
Told her about clothes that will look good on her. Insult or
compliment? She doesn't like it
I need to be empathatic, otherwise she'll be hurt again.
Always feel sad when she crys. But after she crys, she smiles again.
I'm confused by her sometimes.
Next week busy week. So many things to do and tuesday got volleyball tournament
which I don't think my ma'm would let me go. Hence
I have decided that I shall stay in office to do
work and more work...sigh
Argh! In two weeks time...is my MOM's birthday
what the heck am I going to get her?
Last year I bought her cake and celebrated for her
so this year?
Sunday, July 20
It'll take forever for my dear to write her journal
sometimes I just want to know how she feels about certain things
sigh
today was okay...work was as usual...really dreading monday to come
my dear brought me all the way to pasir ris today.
There was a whole lot of commotion going on as fire engine was everywhere
people were in herds staring up at the building as if someone is attempting to
commit suicide.
Then next thing I knew, Yuan brought me to Rina's house.
The parents were great except for the father who was a tad bit quiet
but the mother was really chatty.
Yuan's friends are really special as she herself is.
Hope she treasures them all.
sometimes I just want to know how she feels about certain things
sigh
today was okay...work was as usual...really dreading monday to come
my dear brought me all the way to pasir ris today.
There was a whole lot of commotion going on as fire engine was everywhere
people were in herds staring up at the building as if someone is attempting to
commit suicide.
Then next thing I knew, Yuan brought me to Rina's house.
The parents were great except for the father who was a tad bit quiet
but the mother was really chatty.
Yuan's friends are really special as she herself is.
Hope she treasures them all.
Monday, July 14
My dear hasn't update
well then I have to take the initiative
love is a curious thing
an adventure
it is definately more than a fling
cause it'll bring you up to an overture
hehehe...
My TOOT GIRLFRIENDlove her much
though all the fights and feisty encounters + petty issues
Comic Gallery at Alujunied.
My new hang out place
filled with loads of manga anime and movies and magazines
brought Cecilia there...bored as usual
don't expect her to read manga but at least she knows what my interest are
Sunday wasn't black cos my dear brightened it up so much for me!
well then I have to take the initiative
love is a curious thing
an adventure
it is definately more than a fling
cause it'll bring you up to an overture
hehehe...
My TOOT GIRLFRIENDlove her much
though all the fights and feisty encounters + petty issues
Comic Gallery at Alujunied.
My new hang out place
filled with loads of manga anime and movies and magazines
brought Cecilia there...bored as usual
don't expect her to read manga but at least she knows what my interest are
Sunday wasn't black cos my dear brightened it up so much for me!
Monday, July 7
Love labour lost
...it's dying...slowly
lost conversation which had life,
meaning which lost its orgin
my will cut by a knife
a knife of nothingness, no care, no topic, just dead.
trying all dictionaries in the world to decipher
this feeling.
Perhaps the word "gone"
Ignorant of everything at last
just live for a better tomorrow alone
with a hung up phone
conversation lost...no more words...no more smiles...no more contact
world of greyish tinge that embodies the swollen heart
cold...
the left part walked left...the right part walked right
painful sight
just like a loose kite,
no where to go
but lost.
Hate it...what am I doing? What are you doing?
NOTHING (66)^
...it's dying...slowly
lost conversation which had life,
meaning which lost its orgin
my will cut by a knife
a knife of nothingness, no care, no topic, just dead.
trying all dictionaries in the world to decipher
this feeling.
Perhaps the word "gone"
Ignorant of everything at last
just live for a better tomorrow alone
with a hung up phone
conversation lost...no more words...no more smiles...no more contact
world of greyish tinge that embodies the swollen heart
cold...
the left part walked left...the right part walked right
painful sight
just like a loose kite,
no where to go
but lost.
Hate it...what am I doing? What are you doing?
NOTHING (66)^
Sunday, July 6
yup...should have guessed...another lousy Sunday
all because I seem harsh in my words to Cecilia.
I have decided
I'm staying at home for future Sundays...cos I hate Sundays
think it's meant to be like that.
had enough
so tired
don't want another Sunday to be like that
wasting a day is so depressing.
Wanted to call a friend to talk but she is with Mr Sailor...all the best to her
though Yuan still hates the sights of her, even the mention of her name
Slept through today.
Felt quite refreshed
Have to face this week again...without much love and care
I don't think I want to care anymore
or maybe I didn't at the first place
I know she is angry at me cos I have misunderstood her
but it didn't seem that way for me
she ask me to go chom chom
after a fiasco like that
what's going through her head?
I can't get angry at her
when I look at her I smile
she can make me smile anytime but
when I am alone
all gloom comes back to me.
Tomorrow I am going to rehearsal.
Hope God can grant my flair and love for theatre to be back in my arms again
Today I declare
all my Sundays to be BLACK.
I'm sad...so is everybody
hate this feeling.
all because I seem harsh in my words to Cecilia.
I have decided
I'm staying at home for future Sundays...cos I hate Sundays
think it's meant to be like that.
had enough
so tired
don't want another Sunday to be like that
wasting a day is so depressing.
Wanted to call a friend to talk but she is with Mr Sailor...all the best to her
though Yuan still hates the sights of her, even the mention of her name
Slept through today.
Felt quite refreshed
Have to face this week again...without much love and care
I don't think I want to care anymore
or maybe I didn't at the first place
I know she is angry at me cos I have misunderstood her
but it didn't seem that way for me
she ask me to go chom chom
after a fiasco like that
what's going through her head?
I can't get angry at her
when I look at her I smile
she can make me smile anytime but
when I am alone
all gloom comes back to me.
Tomorrow I am going to rehearsal.
Hope God can grant my flair and love for theatre to be back in my arms again
Today I declare
all my Sundays to be BLACK.
I'm sad...so is everybody
hate this feeling.
Thursday, July 3
I'm sleeping soon
Today was one of the better days
Mdm, only lectured me on certain things
and how I should think more logically
which I find it really hard
Meeting dear tom.
We will be eating at the Nasi lemak place
haven't tried it...perhaps it will taste really good...who knows
Argh! So sleeping...snoozing out
Hope tomorrow will be a better day
NS SUCKS
usual story...
Today was one of the better days
Mdm, only lectured me on certain things
and how I should think more logically
which I find it really hard
Meeting dear tom.
We will be eating at the Nasi lemak place
haven't tried it...perhaps it will taste really good...who knows
Argh! So sleeping...snoozing out
Hope tomorrow will be a better day
NS SUCKS
usual story...
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