Thursday, September 30

my sassy girl...all time fave Posted by Hello
watching "Singapore Idol" waiting for friend Chin Hao to appear. Really hope he goes thru though but my mom and I are rooting for Maia. She got nice cheeks and an adorable child.

today took half day again.Another of this nonsense and I'll have no more leave to go mission trip.I have this stupid thought not to go but I know I just have to. I pray that God will provide me the resources to ship me there. Thailand,watch out for the HOLY SPIRIT! In Jesus name be awed by God. Indeed God works and plans things in His own time, though it is quite a tad bit muddled right now :( dug up some of the past letters she sent me, about some theory that humans enjoy doing things that are wrong, like you know blatantly that it is wrong but still do it. However, how we know what's right and wrong in this world...I put it to God's light and then it comes to pass. Sigh...I'm such evil perhaps in another person's world...different lah

Chin Hao sang well...but the boring judges slammed it, WHAT THE...! David deserves more though I think he can do ballads which suits him or maybe I am wrong.

Hang out with Mel last night, feeling the effects only in the morning but it was great company. Though Jap horror flicks really not up to par with Korean ones liao...sigh...Nihon, Nane a ten no? Gonna catch My Sassy Girl later, maybe it'll show me destiny somehow...ya sure!

There is a grey bear staring right at me
with a "Me to You" sign on it's foot
grey suggests sadness
my grey bear will be in the cupboard soon
don't want to be sad
though I know it'll take a *damn* long time
need some royal chubs to torture...hehehe
looking forward to Sunday, able to be with Christian Community again :)

Tuesday, September 28

It is time to blog.
It is six days away to my birthday and I did the unthinkable
I chased away the girl whom I promised to love and a girl who will love me for all that I am.
Why??? Ian.
My Dad's death anniversary just passed. Perhaps it is a subconcious memory that locks all my sad moments into this period of time. Never did I really want this to happen but I hear the voice "Let go" a long time ago. I don't want to to cheapen her by being with her now cos we are in such wreck. We stepped into the part of the garden where God says no and now we are paying the price for it.I want to reach for God but can't, and I am doing more harm than good to Cec.
Perhaps it is for the better. She ask me if I want her to forget me...of course I will say no. But then it would be a curse! Perhaps it is a curse to be a guy already.Doing all this without realising the effects it has on the other party.
She is knocking on my door today, and I shut.How painful is that...very very very*

God has a answer to all this fiasco. Giving the notion for the senior pastor to talk about finding destiny and the right partner...THANKS PASTOR make it so wonderful for me...*shit* I'll just listen to God...and it is true enough for me to hear it clear "let go"

maybe in another three years...Yuan will be ready and uplifted by God because she reached it. She deserves better...not me...I'm just a honest puck, who is poor and not realistic.

Relationships are such headaches. It qualifies to love only when expectations are met, when not met, things start happening...sad things. For Cec, she still loves at all odds. There is a huge scar in my heart but in order for God to come in,this must go out first. Lord Jesus, please take me...cleanse me and take me...out of this place.

Sitting with the leaders of youth ministry was a dread last friday. All they can say is please do what is right, break up with her, it is your destiny we are talking about...easy said than done...they don't know the emotional roller-coaster that goes thru before all this. So bring your prophetic theories and ship out...I need listeners than givers then telling where to get it is a strange thing. But it is all gone now.

Corinthians 13...failed...drastically
ian and cec lies here in the wake of 290904
abruptly...only He knows the future
He and I have today. Tom is yet to come.

She'll find someone better.