Thursday, October 28

my dear who eats congee with ice and me at billy bombers a long time back. I made her angry on that day. Her birthday that is. She is lovely right? She is. God given one. Posted by Hello
thinking about Cec, not really sleepy. the story of us goes like this...i was really bad at maths, so a friend of mine brought me to this place at paya lebar walk. Home Tuition kinda thing but I still stink at maths. The teacher however tries her best though I am really that incorrigible. You see, I go there after school or after water-polo or other CCA training, of course I will fall asleep. There were lots of ppl there from all kinds of school and there was this particular grp who were really noisy (PLMGS) bunch. Then I asked my friend who brought me there who is this grp of ppl and why are they so restless...ya like I am not? Well, from word of mouth, discovered that the girl who keeps playing with her fringe is the oldest daughter of the Maths tuition teacher (main character here, supporting as follows) and a friend who has a mouth so big that a truck can just park in there. They are hilarious together, making fun of each other and gossiping as if DAYS OF OUR LIVES are their sutras. My time there has been fun, friends that is highlight. Grew fond of someone overtime...but hey...I am dating someone already hiaz...what's going to happen??? I grew fond of the tuition teacher's oldest daughter, at that time she was like sec 2 and I was dating a sec 3 girl from the same skool!!! how scandalous!!! mundane heart...sinfully flirty without the love of God.

okay...story stops here and will continue...hehehe, will tell you more about a girl who likes to eat congee with ice cubes in it (*________*) interesting huh. DOn't laugh, she is my partner mind you ( .\/. );; *YAWN* Going to sleep. Dear God, I pray that you will lay me to sleep and impart me the wisdom to carry out this faith you put in me. I pray that healing will come upon two person tonight, Cec and steph. One food poisoning, the other flu and headache. Thank you for the truth you have shown me by your anointed ppl and words of the bible. Love you Jesus, love you God.

Amen...One Way and that is Yah Weh!

Wednesday, October 27

jeon hyun again...never fail to bring me a smile at least...hehehe (^_^)^ I watched this show like three times but not as good and rounded storyline like Sassy Girl. She is still as hot. Posted by Hello
you know, i came to a point where i don't give a hoot if she is going to meet me or not. Cos I guess expectancy brings much sadness only, but if you love, do you not expect. OH PAINS OF LOVE! God it is so much simpler to love you, why is the heart of man so flirtatous and whoreful towards you?

she says she'll go malaysia and be back to meet eet few days back but today she says another thing. Not that I am angry or what? It is just that she called me when i was having prayer meeting hence I can't pick the phone up and when I call back, she hungs the phone. It pisses me so bad! Don't want to deal with it anymore...the cycle has gone thru more than once...I am so wearied by it.

she doesn't like side parting nor she does with telling her that she can be more beautiful is taboo? I don't get. Fine, i won't compliment anymore. i won't. If I can don't talk to my mom for three months, I can do this ( .\/. );;

talking about my mom, I quarrelled with her big time about her "BIG BABY JAN" you see, my bro waits for gifts to shower upon him or he takes the money and splurges on the things that he wants, not need. And the things he need, where does he get from? ME, ME ME ME...simple things like socks? I need black socks to go to work and he doesn't have the decent sensibiity to buy a pair for himself. One morning I actually wore white socks to work (thank goodness didn't get caught) Jan doesn't know the seriousness. Wait till i take his army socks and wear, see how is he going to report to his field instructor!

all i want from him is acknowledgement, knowing who's things is whose? Ask and you can borrow type of it hard? One sad thing is that, he never gets me anything for my birthday, and it hurts each year...for his birthday, I'll get him something for sure! If I am broke, I at least take him out for a movie. But for me...hmph...i don't know what is going on in his head. Selfish shit...God pls take this unhealthy spirit that lurks out in me and banish it into smitters cos I need peace. i don't need all this mundane or superficial squabbles or conversations with anyone of the family. Amen.

i hate quarreling with my mom. you know what...that's it...I'll not take a cent from her ever! I don't want to depend on her, I lead my life and she as her own. I pray that God can improve this relationship between me and her. Cos it sucks big time. It is obvious that Jan is so pampered by her and she jumps into defence...saying this is family, that is family. If it is...I hope she can recall what she did to me back in secondary school. A hell of a memory for me to keep huh...shitty tears! Argh!@!! I hate feeling this way...I want God...I want to be like Moses, wanting God that much till he almost got a cardiac arrest. Hmmm...that is so scary...divine fear I hope.

Today's rehearsal and prayer meeting was the only highlight. It seems that God is disallowing Cec to meet me so that I can meet Him. God, you are real...and truly in control. If so, please guide me correctly to my life partner, cos now it is all quite muddled. I love her but is she the one You have prepared for me? Give me a sign God, let her heal people, rise up as worship leader, proclaim your name like there's no me a sign God! For you have shown me grace. Thank you Jesus. Love you.

*groans* NS life resumes in 7hrs time

Tuesday, October 26

today i slept like a pig till like 12pm just in time for rehearsal at PHQ. For the first time I feel happy going to work because it is afterall theatre work. Didn't go to work in the morning because work in national service is boring and I hate it since day one! But God put me there to mould my patience and gave me an all advice giving supervisor. Her birthday was two days ago and I forgot! Today bought her a birthday pathetic, thought that counts?

Monday, October 25

today was really weird. Worship by Lai Yien is like carbon copy, should we live our hands because she tells us to? So instructional. Every worship is the same,but to each its own. Perhaps God made her destiny in worship to praise Him like this, for this I give praise to God for her. Altar call today after service was weird feels like my pastor is milking the session to allow more ppl to come to the fornt to be prayed for, but alas, only a small group of ppl. In an instance I thought and prayed God, should have let you right? Not man...He ah milk until the cow got no milk kind, unsatisfactory feeling of response? Not sure.

youth worship practice was long today and it was only three songs...manage only to practise till the second. Bad news for next week...God, we humble our heart to let you have all control...

tom i have rehearsal for Service Excellence Day, going to direct a short play for the Police Quality Branch. A bunch of untrained but eager actors awaits...what should I do...God pls let this talent you have instilled in me to blossom slowly but sure ly tom...In you I believe.

God Bless Cec as always...keep her from stress and harm! Give her more time!!!

this is my new fave anime to clothes & cool story line (*_____*)^ Posted by Hello

Sunday, October 17

today I went to the most perculiar place called Sunshine Plaza at Selegie Rd and stmble upon the most intrigueing culture called "Anime Fad" at least three shops were like selling handmade figurines and another selling collectables. Not forgetting, anime cartoon series as well,my favourite however they didn't have what I want cos the owner was away for that moment. Macross Zero was the series I am sourcing for...sigh.

Food was like "WAH" there cos there was this tiny honk kong kopitiam feeling kinda shop selling Dim Sum. A must try the next time I go there. I discover that the more I go out, the more I realise there are things to be explored. I feel dumb staying at home at times, especially the past few weeks. I need fresh air...though i don't have any partner who wish to breath the same air as me well...I'll just do it myself or maybe God will bring me to her.

From today onwards, I will watch Honk Kong Serials myself. A guidline to impose upon myself. A sudden "HATE" for it...not sure why? My mood changes rapidly this few days, but is fair to the people around me? I am not sure and I don't want to deal with it.There is a wanting of company these few days and I'm lack of it...someone that can hang out with me, talk to me and everything.

Tuesday, October 12

i still cannot figure out the template for this blog thingy. Usually can edit text and so forth but now is boring one tone text!!! Hiaz...

Today Shiyuan came over today to spend the morning afternoon with me. But me being the restless bloke, slept it through leaving her to eat lunch all by HERSELF? Hmmm, shouldn't but was really tired. Body can actually work against the brain.Thinking of going shop shop later at Far East Plaza. Totally need to change my whole wardrobe, too many small tees that i can't wear. Going to work now...1300hrs...sianz!!! Only one NS boy in the office, cannot let him be alone.

oh yes...I am smitten by sassy girl again...totally *faints* Posted by Hello

Sunday, October 10

today went to the botanical gardens which is quite a disaster. All my cell mates all pulled a long face as they find walking to the garden a total horrid experience. Perhaps it is becos I made a wrong turn by taking a wrong bus...most likely

Christians in Singapore is so taken care of, very blessed with the things needed in a early age hence giving that comfort level. CHildren in Third world country, have nothing. All they have is bare faith and desperation for salvation. Now, if we put them together and cry out for GOd, who will He listen to more? For me I think it'll be THird world one. We really lack of that desperation cos of all the S**** load of crap we take each day from the world with cash, media and corrupted values. God put upon us a DESPERATION for the spirit that will assist us to do wonders for you GOd.

Today after a session of karaoke at K BOX. I heard it again...the song by Sun Yanzi "Wo Bu Nan Guo" Someone put that song in my ears before and it stayed there. Really don't want it to happen ever. Think i'll would really just wait for her...

03. Somewhere I Belong 03:33
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find/That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
It's gone]
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today

I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong

This was a cool song. Only figured it today. Linkin Park Rocks!!! But Jesus is the ROCKEST!!!

Monday, October 4

I have being thinking and it is only proper that she should be here...will wait for her...don't really have that kind of feeling with anyone else, hope God bless this union in future...for now...waiting season or rather friendship season (*___*);; Posted by Hello

heya heya...Singapore Idol to be lives down the road to me! Good friend and great company for football... Posted by Hello

Sunday, October 3

i am at Singapore Idol to be's house...David Yeo that is
watching Man U vs Middlesbro but now half time so decided to blog a little
friends are really always there...true ones that is
always opening up their houses, very sincere to help...Thank God for "friendships"
wholesome one of course.
tom my mdm and colleague not reporting for work
hence I think it will be *lax* day tomorrow

suddenly got strange feeling
don't know whether presents will be at my doorstep tom???

this is my David...always there to give encouragement. She is very interested in the ARTS. Hope God can protect and bless her in this area.And yup...Look what she has in her hand, she loves eating...kekeke Posted by Hello
never thought I could just let has been a week and in four hours time it'll be my birthday. How "wonderful" spending the eve of my brithday alone.

Wish God can be a pal and hang with me downtown.There was a time when all this happened before. The thing about these downs is that they leave you with a revoking after taste in your life.And in this matter, it is about a relationship that went on for two plus years.I want to stop thinking about it but can't. Hope it isn't a curse, but the fact of the matter is that it got off in the wrong foot.Gotten together in my least spiritually strong era.And now God gave me more and telling me to stop, I did.All I did in His command...What He want of me?...I am running away now, like Joseph to Potiphar's wife, I want to run. Dear God, teach me to run please! I'm on my knees. I want a refresh anointing upon my life to burst out from the ashes of sluggard gloom. I need to grow. Give direction Father!

Police days are ending in three months time. It was like yesterday which I will complain non stop about it.Can't wait to start the whole theatre engine working again, though money does come into an issue. I owe Mrs Koh $586 for the Korean trip.You know, she told me that the trip was $1500, never did she say about the tax or anything of surplus.I need to go away for awhile after this, need to find God in all areas.Need to remind myself to pay $$$ of course...sigh...I need a sugar mommy! Or a DIVINE INTERVENTION to let me get my hands on some cash to pay her back. Literally living off with scraps...I am that poor.God if I don't pay you your dues, pls warn me harshly...Cos the thoughts of evil desires arises everytime I thrive in your SPirit.

I thank God for Angela, Mel and Serena. They stood by me when I am at the bottom of the pits. God pls give them portions of blessings which they truly deserves.

I wanna be alone with Him now.Cheerios ( .\/. );;

Saturday, October 2

my bunk mates back in Police Academy days...all dark and handsome...missed the "Tracom Special" wanna know what is it? Posted by Hello

Friday, October 1

Just watched my sassy girl for the 11th time already I think, maybe more. Cried is destined...Oh God,where is my Sassy girl??? (^____^); Posted by Hello