Monday, June 30

Watched Charlie's Angel by myself today
and boy! ALL OF THEM LOOK SO GOOD...especially
Lucy Liu, she was a fox...arrr!
Office was okay but Mdm is still stress with me and my colleage. Perhaps the reason being us so daf, yep
that could be really it.
Enough of Yuan...not going to mention her in my blog
I guess blogging comes from your heart, I write what I if you are reading this
perhaps you should turn away : P
Luanne is flying off to Kangaroo Land for a whole three years
all those golden years in La-salle
I guess she is really growing in person and this trip might help her do even more growing.
I wonder when is my turn...though I really don't want to leave Singapore cos of
obvious reasons.
Yuan is not free tom. I should watch another movie but...alone or with whom...hehehe
I love you dear...won't do anything to disappoint you
SHIT! I mention her again...F**K it...bye

Sunday, June 29

Today is black Sunday...don't know what misunderstandings I have with Yuan, but I was really pining to see her this morning.
She said that she don't know what I want. Well, I won't blame her...I'm so silly about everything.
A wasted morning. Now is 2pm. Usually will be at her house right beside her.
I shouldn't have thoughts to see her, but I was missing her. F**k, i don't know what to do. Staying at home sucks.
I'm silly...things are getting worst so it seems...are we nearing to an episode?
I'm talking nonsense
I'll just let this Sunday passby me then
But I know things are going to be really different from this somehow.
In life there are many should's and if's, it is a matter of anticipating it or doing it.
This time...I didn't do anything
I should have gone to Changi or it should have been I shouldn't have gone to here house and waited for...
No use crying over spilled milk...hurt and events have already been done
Too late to chase shadows.

Saturday, June 28

it's been days since the last I wrote. Cannot...I must be regular in writing or else there is no place
for me to speak out. Though I don't look like a person who keeps things in my heart but I do. Don't know
why. Maybe perhaps I am afraid of the consequences becoming after I have let everything in my heart exposed.
Will see how it goes...usually I say everything...share everything, but coming on to age, things starts to get
stubborn. Hate it!
The Sentosa trip few days ago was okay. Had minor squabbles with Yuan, well petty issues again. My fault.
Mrs Koh's students were much alive and enthusiastic about everything...I guess I have really gone old. The spirit is willing but the body refuses to budge.

Today, I knocked off at seven plus. Yep, my Mdm is back and with much pressure then ever before. My office sucks.

Sunday, June 22

Argh...burning cd isn't as easy as it seems to be, wasted another cd. Not that I want to but I'm just
computer illiterate at times.
KBOX was the highlight today. Went with Yuan and her was the very first time I heard so many words coming out of her dad.
Was surprising and interesting at the same time as I was sitting audience with the rest of the family while we hear him sing.
I guess he was hit by the "Karaoke" bug that bit the many singing fanatics years ago. Well, better late than never.
Have to go work tomorrow...sigh...have to get rid of problems in my office.
Going back to work is like exorcising demons which I got rid long ago in drama academy. I hope God can grant me strength to get through it day by day :(
Just sitting thinking bout the amount of work I have is killing me. Why am I thinking of work that isn't mine...I need help...I think I am
going on overdrive soon.
Haven't packed my bag...will pack tomorrow morning I NS life is meaningless
No wonder some resort to suicide.

Sentosa trip is on tuesday, looking forward to it above everything else. Can see my dear, smell her and hug her!
Going to sleep now...
Unhappy Monday starts, NO must face it with a sly smile :>

Saturday, June 21

I woke up after a long night of work that was filled with excitement and intrigue.
Went to parts of Geylang which I have never seen before, to catch girls who are solicitating
on the streets. Some of them are as young as yuan. Most of them too are pretty and deserves sympathy as a percentage
of them were cheated here. A promised education but a world of vice was put upon them...sigh
Came home at 5. It was exciting night, not like my office and I've learnt a lot too.

My dear didn't journey to my house to wake me up...tad bit disappointed. She said that she wants to try the new line and I thought she would
want to ask me to take it together with her! But no, I guess she was all excited about taking the train and forgot about my existence in her life for awhile.
I must not be petty, ya. Ian, you can't!

Wednesday, June 18

didn't manage to get the transfer but did express my unhappiness...
even if I got the transfer, she is so going to make my end days HELL,sigh!
dear God, the maker of time...pls make these two years of national service to end quickly
and smoothly.
I need to go slow...I guess I'm to rash at times when doing work...well I don't know how I'm going to do it but
I think it'll be after several mental beatings by my mdm then...only then I'll learn.
Miss my dear...miss her so much
Only her photo beside my computer gives me comfort to get thru bad times easier.
I love you dear

Tuesday, June 17

I admit that I am slow but that's the way I am...hence I found something I am good at...
why people don't understand?
So what if the camera is neglected??? BUY A NEW ONE LAH...argh! Why life is so difficult?
It isn't...I'll just work as a waiter anywhere anytime...MACDONALD's sound nice
kidding...THEATRE...I want it very badly
In NS...there is no expression...colours in system captive

Monday, June 16

she is very am I
Could understand how she feels but very difficult for me as an onlooker to feel it first hand.
Things are crashing down on her, wish I could do something.
only thing I did and can do is be with her and encourage her.
I watched "my sassy girl" with her...what a good movie and we enjoyed it!
If only life was as simple as the movies. Apparently not, as movies are not affected by the toils of time,
which is quite impossible to happen within a two hour show.
Mrs Koh blamed Yuan for taking peanuts...but SHE DIDN'T
Only later did she realise that she blamed wrongly. TOO LATE!!! HURT HAS BEEN DONE!!!
Don't Mrs Koh have empathy??? Sigh...maybe she has lots to handle as she has four girls.
Feel so hurt together with Yuan...I know how that feels cos I was in the same predicament before.
Parents...what a let down sometimes!
Tom my dear is writing appeal, hope someone in NUS sees her application and accepts her. She is really bright...really...I know!

Thursday, June 12

Came home when I didn't want to again.
Don't know why in the world
I like to punish myself.
Do I really ask her to do the things that she doesn't want to do
or she isn't doing the things that she is supposed to do which I think she should but she doesn't.
Is all this necessary??? Don't think so...feel like a kid venting his tantrums...sigh
She cut her hair and I paid for it...willing of course. She look so gorgeous after that and it cost only $10
not like the Toni and his guy's but no standard, perhaps because it is a trainee.
I think me and her are in training period. Good in the sense at least we know how we work and try to work round obstacles,
bad in the sense we have to feel shitty in the present. BLEH!
Today's sushi was WOW! Love every moment of it though because it was delicious but no stomach space to fill it all up.
My dear seem to eat more than me, but really I ate more cos I ordered the unagi...and I finished that dish first.
If my dear is reading this, I LOVE YOU ya though I do throw unnecessary tantums and comments to you when I feel
lonely...just ignore me. Ultimately I still crave to hold your hand, fondle your hair and smell your tanned skin.
Ooops...this is almost an e-mail...enough
I'll say only true thoughts here and it is.
Tom there is work part 2 at the station...sigh
Heard from news CIVIL SERVANTS are getting their Saturday's off..WOO

Tuesday, June 10

So much work today and it was only part one!
Tom continue...when will it end, just when.
My mime teacher called me today and invited me to her showcase
in august but I guess I have to turn it down as my time is as uncertain as the waves of the sea...pooh
ian,trying to be poetic, what a laugh!
But it was heartwarming to receive a call like that from my mentor of my craft.
Hope I can visit one her sessions soon.
Dear's results not out vexing...feel so nervous for her
Using the last of my strength to do this tired
New Intake came in today.
Was quite happy cos it means another 6 more intakes and I'm out of the hell hole.
Just got back from Yuan's house
and her results are still not out. Getting worried for her though I know I'll stand by her no matter
the outcome.
Haven't been in contact with my previous friends
maybe they'll all forget about me in due time to come...sigh
and then I have myself and GOD?
Really angry at the person who cause me all this hurt and skeptism about Christians,but at least I know when man fails
GOD prevails!
Was really comfortable lying beside my half resting...could just shut off straight away
miss her already.
My brother? My mother?
Another mystery is yet to unfold...stay tune till next blog :0

Saturday, June 7

Better do my blog before the day ends.
My dear tried things with my blog but failed...hope she can whip something up soon,
cos I think she did a good job with hers.
Her results are coming out...feel really scared for her
Don't wish for her to take it again cos I retook both my major exams before and I know how it feels
I'll pray for her... ... ... ... ...okay, all the best tom for her
miss her much again. Love her intensely though
WORK is piling on me again.
There is new intake of officers coming again
Feel really sad for them
seems like they are "puppets" doing what they don't like
I need to be positive...


I want out of this...when will my NS many more days to 16 March 2005?

Wednesday, June 4

Doc says I'll be fine
what the heck...wish he said otherwise!
though I know I'm escaping
but it is a much needed rest.
There's mountain of work waiting for me
and a weekend to look forward to behind it.
I want to see dear yuan,
miss her so much.
Don't like tiffs...don't like it very much
It's sunny out there but can't go swim...tanned skin
go bye bye
National service = time serving
I escape education hard enough to find what I excel in
and now the system caught up with me.
Oh well...I have love...and love never fails...
thank you
shiyuan :)
So sleeping...and here I am adding on my blog...
wanted to excercise but I guess I couldn't
cos I'm on medication.
Watching this new anime that I rented
"Prince of Tennis"
quite interesting...a 12yr old beating the hell out of everybody in tennis
lame plot but entertaining.
Doc says I'll be fine
what the heck...wish he said otherwise!
though I know I'm escaping
but it is a much needed rest.
There's mountain of work waiting for me
and a weekend to look forward to behind it.
I want to see dear yuan,
miss her so much.
Don't like tiffs...don't like it very much
It's sunny out there but can't go swim...tanned skin
go bye bye
National service = time serving
I escape education hard enough to find what I excel in
and now the system caught up with me.
Oh well...I have love...and love never fails...
thank you
shiyuan :)