Wednesday, September 28
the panda strikes at 5am in the morning. Can you actually believe it? I am not sleeping well and it is a growing problem of mine. I remember partly the reason why cec was angry with me before was because of this sort of unearthly behaviour, well, it doesn't seem to go away even the aftermath of distance between us.
I have loads of things due but totally ignoring the urgency. I need to do things and get things moving ian...why am I stopping here and there...oh lazy nature! Get out of my life in Jesus name!
I have just finished a part of a power point presentation of Paul's first missionary journey. The group was like estatic to have appointed me to be their presenter next Monday for the group presentation. I was like "WHAT" kinda reaction when they break to me the news...now...what was puzzling is why they came to a conclusion of me presenting? I am perplexed.
My father's death anniversary was yesterday. My mom put a odd looking candle outside the house making the feel of the doorstep unusually "indian" HEY don't get me wrong! There is no racial implications here...I love everyone...though there are people I dislike but I have to learn to love them, it is not an invitation to do that but a command by Jesus. He is the man? or rather God.
Okay I think I need to take a shut eye for a moment. Goodnight
(_ _) _ Zzzzz
Saturday, September 24
Wednesday, September 21
I really think blogging in TCA library will be of a habit from now on to really destress and let my blog readers know what I am actually feeling, thinking, reading and a whole lot more together with HS of course otherwise it'll all be just an EGO trip.
Ps Ed Pousson class just ended. Two classes in a row man! Imagine eating two Big Macs one after the other...I was totally *zonked* out in the second session,however I knew it was interesting as we discover how skeptism of Jesus Christ comes about, when lay people start to question and be factful about Him in biblical history and it all begin somewhere back in 1600-1700 i think? Or am I dreaming...better go read man...started with the guy Luther of course :)
My eyes are getting heavier by the minute and still I have to drag my sorry a** to PS [Dhoby Ghaut] for a meeting. So tired! How to rejuvenate like that? I need my bed badly. The lack of sleep since the start of school is getting to me and this is definitely not healthy. Jieyi, if you are reading this...rise up and take ownership soon because i really need to let go somethings in order to do others *sigh* I suddenly remember that I have about 8 books and some articles to hit by this week, otherwise it'll all be too late. "PACKED" week starts next week with block classes happening for two weeks...setiap hari...ahhh puji tuhan...only HS can help me. Pray that passing my examinations is part of His divine plan for me. I can only have that faith...got nothing else
I need to run off to PS liao...meet Steph and Jieyi...think I will go take a snooze on the bus, if not, I wouldn't be in a mood to talk stuff. Christmas script is still undone! AHHHH, what am I to do? Pray and believe in God's divine plan for everything, however not with sitting on my butt and do nothing.
And to those people who keep asking me about the mystery girl? Pay $2000 and find out :) cos I sincerely need a laptop.
Tuesday, September 20
struggling to get thru the 28 chapters of Acts...I think I have a few more chapters to go. I am slow because there are a few incidents recorded within the chapters which I don't understand and I have to like read two or three times in order to have a vague idea of what Doc Luke is trying to tell me the "practicing" youth pastor...like that how to improve ian...aiyo! I need rheama desperately, not by might nor strength but the SPIRIT of God.
Later tonight I have to finish up Christmas script which I have owed Yanping and Lai yien for the longest time. It isn't about me procrastinating. When there is no inspiration, nothing will really move my mind and fingers to do the script passionately and in the end, I would only produce something half baked. Well I have to finish it by tonight with God given "BURNING MIDNIGHT OIL" powers. The script that I am writing for Christmas is titled "Hope Not Found" I am so going to make it a soapy and outrageous play, where makes people stand and take notice of the horror that of humanity is :P it is true what...humanity always have self destroying motives, what the bible says is very much a fact. Hence we need Romans 12:2, constantly renovating our minds to the works of God and not of the values and cultures the world want to sell us. If we buy into those temporal things, it'll pass away and we will definitely be crumbled.
Aiyo (*______*) I only have 10 more mins on this blogging spree. Now is like 10 to 5pm. The library closes for dinner at 5pm and reopens at 6pm, however by then I would need to prepare for my research and report writing class. Though I would reckon that during the class, I would be thinking on how to write my script later on in the night. Drama was my passion and my bane...right now...it seem like going to an old house which I used to stay and put in my box the things that I have left there and bring it back to my new house. Better remind myself not to bring anything that will decay my new house which is not mine but His.
Praise to be given to Him always for without Him, there is no me to begin with :) eh...suddenly remember that Angela just came back from some ulu place in Malaysia. Ps Danny asked us to query Angela if she saw any "FIREBALLS" from the heavens in that ulu place which was reported in Malaysian newspapers...if there was, I hope she took some photos man! Can you imagine? Fireballs from heavens *ian chuckles* I would be like awed for real, however I am very much awed by the lives being changed daily within the scope of people God allows me to meet. And the various miracles that happened in Nongkhai which God also allowed it to happen for my knowing, so that I can tell the world of His wonders.
Thank you Jesus.
25 years of age soon...in October that is! How celebrative or sad it can turn out with the kind of thoughts that builds up till that day of my birth. I never really want to celebrate my birthday but who am I kidding? I love the blowing of candles and people singing the birthday songs for me, I am such a sucker for such birthday cliches, however a part of me wants to kill it and let the lonely me emerge. Why? Do I not honour the God that place me in this world? Do I not want to grasp the destiny given to me by HS Himself? What is it?
It isn't about God. It is my flesh crying for companionship and I have been suppressing it for longest time with the blessings of great friends and biblical truths that sustained me till now. However that cannot deny my thoughts about it...Is this why God say it isn't good for a man to be alone? I am sure He has His reasons for saying that and I just have to wait for Him to unveil the answer page to a book called Ian's love life. I am feeling terrible but I choose to wait. I rather God destiny than "MY" choosing...still I do not deny the fact that my ex girlfriend has been a lot on my mind in recent times. Really love her lots though previous circumstances doesn't seem right for us to be together. But now? Forget it...she is trying to stand already, she doesn't need another bloke like me to hurt or discontinue something which she has already started in her new life. All the best to her...frankly she is one person that I find it really difficult to put aside always...sigh...how sinful I am and yet God chose me and showed me the various wonders by Him.
*Secret* I think I just may have the hearts for someone...but than again I need to suppress it. It isn't the right time, it might not be her also right ian...tsk tsk. Jesus, I need to look to You to get out of this mess of thoughts because You are preparing me for something BIG.
I was doing my sermon on "Will The Real Strong Christian Please Stand Up?" and it was the last point about...3) Seeing the Salvation...and I had a mind block! I prayed and God prompted me in a soft voice, "ian, go take a short nap right now!" I was like WOAH...okay perhaps there is some dream kinda revelation HS wants to reveal to me because this wasn't the first time. Hence I slept and slowly it began.
nice lightings and mass of people filling the square hall in
small clusters here, there and all around.Then a sharp pain!Realised
that I was hurt.From amidst the mass of people,emerged a little girl
with a first aid box seemingly running to me and she did.I asked her
"Who are you?"
She says "I am your daughter, silly dad"
And she tended to my wound.
Next a tugging of my arm brought my eyes to a young boy
and he said
"Dad,look out there!The world wants to conform me but I won't let it"
This boy is my son.
Tell the world that "Jesus Lives!" don't forget ya ( .V. ) p
Monday, September 19
Sunday, September 18
What is My Destiny?
Ah Boy is playing his favorite XBOX game. He is reaching his final level when his game character died.
Ah Boy: Almost … almost …almost…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh man! Have to start the whole level all over again. Argh! [Continues game, father enters]
Ah Boy: Not now Dad, I am in a LIFE and DEATH SITUATION right now….Die you stupid aliens!
Father: Son, you are going to BE in a life and death situation if you don’t answer me properly. Now I want to have some time with…
Ah Boy: Cheat code…XYZ up down left right… God mode!
[Father reaches over to turn off the television]
Ah Boy: HEY! What’s wrong with you? Who do you think you are?
Father: [Dumbfounded] Ummm… your father?
Ah Boy: I KNOW, but I was trying to complete the game dad and…
Father: I need to talk to you regarding certain things in your life. Now your grades aren’t doing very well. Even your pet subject is a just passed. Is there something troubling you?
Ah Boy: No dad, nothing is troubling me. Even …even the best person fails at times what. That’s what you always tell me right? So the more I fail the more I succeed. [Looking sheepish]
Father: [Pause and looks at his son, disgusted by the way he answered] you know, I think you spend too much time with that girl; I want you to stop seeing her!
Ah Boy: WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? And she isn’t just a girl, her name is BERNADETTE, she is 14 years old and she is beautiful. You haven’t even see her yet…I mean her eyes…her milky coloured skin…her hair as the winds blows by her…You just don’t know her Dad. Why are you so controlling?
Father: Because I am concerned and I care about you!
Ah Boy: Then give care to someone else because I don’t need someone to control my life, I am old enough. I am “15” yrs of age, I think I know what is right and what is wrong!
[Father gotten fed up with his excuses, plugs out his XBOX and leave the room]
Ah Boy: GREAT! Take the XBOX, I don’t need it, I am a grown man! I am 15 yrs…yup I am 15…KING OF THE WORLD! [Sits in a corner contemplating]
[Few weeks later]
Ah Boy: [on phone] Darling, baby…why? Now he is not better than me. What? Just, just because he has more handsome than me and you are leaving me to be with him? But I given you everything you asked and I starved for almost a month, played truant, skip classes, failed exams and gotten scolding from my dad. Come on…without you…I am not the King of the world anymore, please don’t leave me… [Hang up]
[Long pause] [Father enters the room and sees his son…with much guilt Ah boy makes subtle eye contacts with father. Father opened up his arms]
Father: Come. [Gives a big hug to Ah Boy]
Friday, September 9
Sunday, September 4
Friday, September 2
prayer helped me through this week, knowing that His presence is my comforting pillar always in class, in chapels and most of all in my assignments. There is really much to be done after many years away from books. Study warm ups has already began. However, flipping to the bible and read wasn't the main idea. I tried to read Book of Acts, failed terribly, why? Because I cannot understand it at all. I was so frustrated that I prayed, then focus was gained. I realise where I stand before Him and reading the bible isn't of an academic achievement kinda medium but of a life changing and spirit reformation process. I am knowing Him, as I read the book. It is like I have found my best friend's diary and I find a seclude spot to read about his works and life stories, how intrigue can that turn out? "Very" I am telling you. Once you have established who you are before God, reading the bible reveals much as the HS opens up spiritual eyes to areas where on occasions you find it bewildering.
I took 5 subjects but decided to drop one as I need to adjust myself just for this term. The subjects are:
- Book of Acts
- Research & Report Writing
- Life of Jesus
- Leadership in the New Millenium
- Spiritual Formation of a Minister
I have dropped Spiritual Formation as a Minister as I felt and forsee an overload of assignments, perhaps just too much for me to handle for first term. I need to have a feel of it first so I can gauge myself to prepare for next term better. That course that I dropped has a new lecturer and as I was thinking of which subject I should drop, God works in the lips of His people :) how? They feed me with info about his employment like he is new, came in with a business financial kinda background, however graduated from TCC with a Masters. I reckoned he will go all out and be at his best for first term, so guess what? i decided to drop his class. He will be much ethusiastic about teaching and giving "much" assignments. This is his first term so his first class will be his gauge, I pray and sensed that I should go for his class in the next coming terms, not now in my first.
Assignments are really "fun" right now though a tad bit dry but the amount of readings given is giving me new perspective of the Jesus I knew and concepts of the bible writers are trying to convey. It is like uncovering treasure that is hidden within the mass amount of wordings, HS I want more understanding to uncover more truths, so that transformation of self can happen everyday. Ending note of the week is like me at the foot of a mountain, looking up in all aspiration, knowing that as I climb it, I'll be going at it strength to strength...thank you Jesus...I have started because of You 10 years ago, You revived me 2 years ago from waywardness and now You are building me in spiritual strength! Love you HS...More of You please but there must be less of me :)
wanting wisdom from the fear of God...amen