It is time to blog.
It is six days away to my birthday and I did the unthinkable
I chased away the girl whom I promised to love and a girl who will love me for all that I am.
My Dad's death anniversary just passed. Perhaps it is a subconcious memory that locks all my sad moments into this period of time. Never did I really want this to happen but I hear the voice "Let go" a long time ago. I don't want to to cheapen her by being with her now cos we are in such wreck. We stepped into the part of the garden where God says no and now we are paying the price for it.I want to reach for God but can't, and I am doing more harm than good to Cec.
Perhaps it is for the better. She ask me if I want her to forget me...of course I will say no. But then it would be a curse! Perhaps it is a curse to be a guy already.Doing all this without realising the effects it has on the other party.
She is knocking on my door today, and I shut.How painful is that...very very very*
God has a answer to all this fiasco. Giving the notion for the senior pastor to talk about finding destiny and the right partner...THANKS PASTOR TIAK...you make it so wonderful for me...*shit* I'll just listen to God...and it is true enough for me to hear it clear "let go"
maybe in another three years...Yuan will be ready and uplifted by God because she reached it. She deserves better...not me...I'm just a honest puck, who is poor and not realistic.
Relationships are such headaches. It qualifies to love only when expectations are met, when not met, things start happening...sad things. For Cec, she still loves at all odds. There is a huge scar in my heart but in order for God to come in,this must go out first. Lord Jesus, please take me...cleanse me and take me...out of this place.
Sitting with the leaders of youth ministry was a dread last friday. All they can say is please do what is right, break up with her, it is your destiny we are talking about...easy said than done...they don't know the emotional roller-coaster that goes thru before all this. So bring your prophetic theories and ship out...I need listeners than captains...care givers then telling where to get it myself...love is a strange thing. But it is all gone now.
ian and cec lies here in the wake of 290904
abruptly...only He knows the future
He and I have today. Tom is yet to come.
She'll find someone better.