Is my desires, God's desires?
It has always been my joy to praise God while I lead worship. It is like God is the only audience in front of me and I am doing a performance of praise for his delight and pleasure. However I haven't had any of that chance for a long time. I been praying and fasting, then it comes down to the crunch of my knowledge that it isn't time yet. I am not yet the person to lead congregations into worship of adoration and singing of psalms. The devil schemes to make me think that Danny is the real cause of stopping my growth as a worship leader and advancement in another ministry. However the truth of the matter is that the HS reminds me that "He saw Satan fall down like lightning..." And Satan aka was a worship leader of the most glorious worship team but kicked out because of His hidden ambitions that were overshadowing the praises for God.
There are two things I must get right and nurture myself before I can be what God wants me to be! And I reckon it'll be lot of things...I see myself in a vision of a multi tasker...carrying lots of different tools of different jobs. Praise God, may your will be done but for now?
My focus...HS please help me!
2) Ministry Management
I still have problems relating and helping my cell leaders to understand that it is the vision of the young ones worshipping God whole heartedly that is the propelling factor that drives us to do more and beyond our frustrations,confusions,dryouts,sadness...and so forth. I understand that we all have work in our mundane life.Right now it seems I have no say to tell them that they can do more with their sheep because I am so free and my leaders are schooling still. Yes, I admit...I am not empathizing enough in this area. I need to learn. Recently I wanted to just breakdown. Everyday I think about my youths in my area. How am I to motivate them to do things beyond themselves so that my leaders will not feel the crunch. Oh restless generation! Lord soften the spiritual ground of the hearts in young people, so that as we, your commissioned disciples will go sow the seeds of revival. I can see it... it is just a prayer a way!
I had a cell once that operates with me and three other folks, young folks that is. At that time I was chosen to be a cell leader just 5 months into my time in Brighton as a believer. I was loud, obnoxious and bewildered, very attention seeking. No substance to back up whatever I say out. The size of my cell really makes me *puke* and the sharing is really like seeing a camel dying of thirst in the heat of the desert.I was demoralised...my mentor refused to help me as he helped me enough, everytime I turned to him, he looks away as he believes he gave me tools to use them, not to rely on his tools.[Just like the authority of Jesus, given to us] But i was frustrated,human tiredness and frustrations got to me! I just want to melt! WHY??? NO RESULTS NO PAYBACK NOTHING...so why am I doing this for? I am tired...so just go away!
James grab me and brought me to the side and ministered to me. He read Habakkuk 3:17-19 to me:
17 Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
18 Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
19 The LORD God [c] is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.
How timely is God's words for my season of dryness. I forgotton the whole fact that He is the cause of my salvation which there should be the initial joy that drives me to tell others about this joy. It is a promise already and a vision that He would make my journey light if I rely on Him more then my accomplishments or my efforts...I need to go back to the Source...then I can conquer high hills of people who refuses to move together in the name of the Lord.
I must know
1) That failures and calamities will come...famine of spiritual growth will come
2) That He is the Source of everything that I still lack
3) That once I have established (2) my task ahead will be a God given breeze :)
My area will grow! In Jesus name...STEPH AND JIEYI will be pillars of young lives, giving them hope and strength relising that Jesus reigns and is real within the lives that the leaders live. HS bless them and bless them good. These are the brightest and promising youths that I would only know it is of Your ingeniunity. Bring forth Your Presence as we consecrate.