i feel that i am beginning to be numb about love of the mundane kind. Angela was right about the whole Paul thing and she believes it totally. Getting into relationship is a bane to all friendship or the end of every memory you had of that person once it turns all bad and sour. Silly is that when you as a teen strive every moment of the youthful hour to act on the curiousity of "How would it be like to touch her hand or kiss her cheek" A rush of andrenaline thats hits you leaving you drooling for more. How perverted my teenhood is! So immorality leads to two being together cos of might be of sin, i guess i know fair enough, i went to hell and back you see. And there I was justifying with Angela that love exist beyond immorality...when all I was showing to her is that I am but of a Love Fool. I am silly beyond doubt.
I had a conversation with "David" before that God told me clearly to leave her and stuff because of obvious signs and I refused. Weichun was telling me the same, saying that perhaps she is there because God get her to get me back in church and that was it. Harsh part was recently about he telling me about her with another guy, i suppose behaving suspiciously. At that time i was already experiencing difficulties and stuff. I learnt the hard way in 2005 Febuary. God I need grace! Very much as I need to be on my own quiet corner at gethsamane (Perhaps in the closet of my heart) I want to surrender all and give everything unto you. You say you are near to the broken hearted, I QUALIFY LORD! Change me constantly towards your desire.
What will God surprise my tender heart with next? I am excited to know cos I anticipate it every encounter I have with Him, every conversation I have with Him. God had me do the right thing this time otherwise He couldn't give anymore of blessings, alike Abraham, he gave his only love (isaac) on the altar. I gave up on mine and things are already changing...you are for REAL right God?
ON BENDED KNEE
On bended knee I come
With a humble heart I come
G Em Am
Bowing down before Your holy throne
D G C
Lifting holy hands to You
As I pledge my love anew
I worship You in spirit
I worship You in truth
Am D G
Make my life a holy praise unto You
Cheerios to a good companion "David" thank you Lord...