selection sucked...
better stick to what God has given me and not
what I want to do for the fun of it.
Jack of all trades but master of one
"acting"...hahahaha
Sleeping time...Zzzzz

Going for badminton selection tomorrow
quite excited actually
but a bit of a down mood today as I heard that
one of my close friends gotten Shell-Nac scholarship from NAC
I know i should be happy for her but I felt that I can excel in that area too
I'm wasting my two years in NS really
just doing my duty for the nation i guess
just can't escape
better read more to improve my theory on theatre so
that I can burst all out when I'm out of
the cage.
Lost my certificate stating my scholarship in 2001
Sigh...it's fine...I'll just ask from them again, if not I'll work doubly hard again
to improve my craft.
Going Sentosa for Real Run Nike
before that staying with Yuan's family at shangri-la
can't wait, though I have to run 10km
better run my best...the faster I run...the faster I get to spend time with Yuan.
These past days has been tough
jog and exercise to get the excess weight off my tummy.
I have to continue
I have too
I must
Argh!!! WILL POWER
where are you???
I need a driving license soon
my shorty friend had one already and she drove me home
so embarrassing. Well good and happy for her.
Hope I can take my test together with yuan, though
she already signed up due to a saboh
by RINA...
If you RINA, reading this...I WANT TO BOX YOU!!!
heh...kidding lah
Oyasumi (^_^)^

Tomorrow's IPPT is cancelled
sigh...have to report to station early to inform the officers...what a bother!
Got a hell of a tan with Yuan and Sunday
though we did squabble a little
made her cry and stuff
cos I told her about going over to rox's place for dinner and such
I too told her that me and rox are just best of buds
I understand why Yuan is upset
because I have to tell her before hand and not after
she too felt a tad bit lonely as CS is in aussie land
she can't share woes regarding me with anyone.
I feel terrible
I have bullied my partner
but I really love her
I'll just have to listen more I guess
need more communication.
Very Zzzzz...(@_@) _
need to crawl to bed
another day continue to bicker on here.
Goodnight my fellow monkeys

Evening already...
well it is a whole new experience not to care about anything or anyone today
felt a tad bit empty but at least there isn't anxiety
lying to myself again
maybe we won't even talk to each other anymore
perhaps that will solve the problems we have altogether
i don't know why things have to become like this.
Everything was fine...just because you don't like something, the whole world must be in it with you
just do it with your own effort and be happy (.\/.) or say it out...don't follow and regret, grumbling don't solve anything.
Sigh...what did I do???
What is a soulmate?
where can it be found?
How can it complete me?
Maybe the answer can never be found till...
I still not sure what have done
perhaps this is better for both of us
some breathing space
maybe this is a start for more quarrels to come
stupid quarrels that is
hate it hate it hate it
ya
perhaps
silence is really golden...f**k it!

Another Sunday to stay at home.
and this time because of Macdonald's
as simple as that
Maybe her mom is right that it'll be dificult for both us.
Happiness is hard to find already.
don't really know what lies ahead of us if this continues.
what am I going to do today?
don't feel like doing anything also
just sleep thru my sunday
anyway I'm quite used to it already
or should I meet up with some friends...
hmmm...nah...stay at home
I guess I can live with this silence for awhile
tomorrow August workload comes
my mdm is still the same.
Gotten my SAR two days ago.
It's something like a report card which I need to fill it myself first
hope I can get a good grade, then again...
I'm only there cause it is a have to
do what you DEEM fit thinks it'll make you happy
who cares who oppose your idea of happiness...just do!
of course must be of positive category.
Maybe this will be my last blog.
cause...
cause...
cause...
forget it

(6_^) not so great today
feeling damn sleepy whole week long.
My mom's birthday today, or rather yesterday
but only getting her something this weekend
sharing present with cecilia
she don't find the need to talk to someone if she doesn't feel like it
hmmm...okay...fair enough
not pushing anything also
that's her, nothing got to do with me.
She can do whatever as long as her world is intact
and there is a smile on her face
nothing really matters
(@_@)~sleepy
Oyasumi....everybody!
Lots of redundant work tomorrow as usual

S A T U R D A Y
have to wait that long just to see my dear...argh!
Listening to chopin now. One of my fave pianist though most favourite is of course the one who plays
occasionally for me (^_^)
Feel sleepy but don't wish to sleep
work awaits me tomorrow at my desk
I want them to all go away hence need to get all of them done
by this week that is.
My mom's birthday is coming
but I am as broke as can be
what am I going to do...have "dough" coming in on the 29th
so not all that bad.
Suppose to meet up with some of my friends today but in the end
all couldn't make it.
I wonder when Faith will be coming back
Miss her...and she says that she is more than willing to have me over to work for her.
Hope I could be up to the task.
I am getting rusty in theatre practice sigh!
Need to polish up as soon as NS nightmare is over.
where is dear today?
watching Bachelorette...maybe she wants to be one
fine. No qualms
I'll shut up now
Goodnight world
Oyasumi...

A boy tried all means and ways to convince his parents to buy this toy which he has set his eyes on.
He also managed to be thrifty and saved enough just to prove his eagerness.
And finally he bought it. He treasured it and loved it. He gave all attention to it that everything was
just its background.
As years passby...the toy stood on the shelf
the eagerness that was on it grew up and set his sights on others.
dust settles slowly on the toy
soon forgotten.
As more years passby, the eager boy turned grey
grey in age that is.
He looked into the box which he kept his past
found something familiar
the toy which he loved. He regret and wept.
Why did he grew up?
I don't want to grow up cos I always want to love the toy.
It's that feeling of being with it lost but rekindled,
however too late
I really wish I won't grow up.
Peter Pan I can be?

YAWN! Sleepy...I'll turn in now

:( Made my dear cry again
all I want to do is to be with her
though maybe I have thought of isn't
really meant for it to be.
Apologised to her...
Told her about clothes that will look good on her. Insult or
compliment? She doesn't like it
I need to be empathatic, otherwise she'll be hurt again.
Always feel sad when she crys. But after she crys, she smiles again.
I'm confused by her sometimes.
Next week busy week. So many things to do and tuesday got volleyball tournament
which I don't think my ma'm would let me go. Hence
I have decided that I shall stay in office to do
work and more work...sigh
Argh! In two weeks time...is my MOM's birthday
what the heck am I going to get her?
Last year I bought her cake and celebrated for her
so this year?

It'll take forever for my dear to write her journal
sometimes I just want to know how she feels about certain things
sigh
today was okay...work was as usual...really dreading monday to come
my dear brought me all the way to pasir ris today.
There was a whole lot of commotion going on as fire engine was everywhere
people were in herds staring up at the building as if someone is attempting to
commit suicide.
Then next thing I knew, Yuan brought me to Rina's house.
The parents were great except for the father who was a tad bit quiet
but the mother was really chatty.
Yuan's friends are really special as she herself is.
Hope she treasures them all.

My dear hasn't update
well then I have to take the initiative
love is a curious thing
an adventure
it is definately more than a fling
cause it'll bring you up to an overture
hehehe...
My TOOT GIRLFRIENDlove her much
though all the fights and feisty encounters + petty issues
Comic Gallery at Alujunied.
My new hang out place
filled with loads of manga anime and movies and magazines
brought Cecilia there...bored as usual
don't expect her to read manga but at least she knows what my interest are
Sunday wasn't black cos my dear brightened it up so much for me!

Love labour lost
...it's dying...slowly
lost conversation which had life,
meaning which lost its orgin
my will cut by a knife
a knife of nothingness, no care, no topic, just dead.
trying all dictionaries in the world to decipher
this feeling.
Perhaps the word "gone"
Ignorant of everything at last
just live for a better tomorrow alone
with a hung up phone
conversation lost...no more words...no more smiles...no more contact
world of greyish tinge that embodies the swollen heart
cold...
the left part walked left...the right part walked right
painful sight
just like a loose kite,
no where to go
but lost.
Hate it...what am I doing? What are you doing?
NOTHING (66)^

yup...should have guessed...another lousy Sunday
all because I seem harsh in my words to Cecilia.
I have decided
I'm staying at home for future Sundays...cos I hate Sundays
think it's meant to be like that.
had enough
so tired
don't want another Sunday to be like that
wasting a day is so depressing.
Wanted to call a friend to talk but she is with Mr Sailor...all the best to her
though Yuan still hates the sights of her, even the mention of her name
Slept through today.
Felt quite refreshed
Have to face this week again...without much love and care
I don't think I want to care anymore
or maybe I didn't at the first place
I know she is angry at me cos I have misunderstood her
but it didn't seem that way for me
she ask me to go chom chom
after a fiasco like that
what's going through her head?
I can't get angry at her
when I look at her I smile
she can make me smile anytime but
when I am alone
all gloom comes back to me.
Tomorrow I am going to rehearsal.
Hope God can grant my flair and love for theatre to be back in my arms again
Today I declare
all my Sundays to be BLACK.
I'm sad...so is everybody
hate this feeling.

I'm sleeping soon
Today was one of the better days
Mdm, only lectured me on certain things
and how I should think more logically
which I find it really hard
Meeting dear tom.
We will be eating at the Nasi lemak place
haven't tried it...perhaps it will taste really good...who knows
Argh! So sleeping...snoozing out
Hope tomorrow will be a better day
NS SUCKS
usual story...

Watched Charlie's Angel by myself today
and boy! ALL OF THEM LOOK SO GOOD...especially
Lucy Liu, she was a fox...arrr!
Office was okay but Mdm is still stress with me and my colleage. Perhaps the reason being us so daf, yep
that could be really it.
Enough of Yuan...not going to mention her in my blog
I guess blogging comes from your heart, I write what I want...so if you are reading this
perhaps you should turn away : P
Luanne is flying off to Kangaroo Land for a whole three years
all those golden years in La-salle
I guess she is really growing in person and this trip might help her do even more growing.
I wonder when is my turn...though I really don't want to leave Singapore cos of
obvious reasons.
Yuan is not free tom. I should watch another movie but...alone or with whom...hehehe
I love you dear...won't do anything to disappoint you
SHIT! I mention her again...F**K it...bye

Today is black Sunday...don't know what misunderstandings I have with Yuan, but I was really pining to see her this morning.
She said that she don't know what I want. Well, I won't blame her...I'm so silly about everything.
A wasted morning. Now is 2pm. Usually will be at her house right beside her.
ALL MY FAULT!!!WHY THE HECK DID I WAIT OUTSIDE HER HOUSE LAST NIGHT FOR NUTS!!!
I shouldn't have thoughts to see her, but I was missing her. F**k, i don't know what to do. Staying at home sucks.
I'm silly...things are getting worst so it seems...are we nearing to an episode?
I'm talking nonsense
I'll just let this Sunday passby me then
But I know things are going to be really different from this somehow.
In life there are many should's and if's, it is a matter of anticipating it or doing it.
This time...I didn't do anything
I should have gone to Changi or it should have been I shouldn't have gone to here house and waited for...
No use crying over spilled milk...hurt and events have already been done
Too late to chase shadows.

it's been days since the last I wrote. Cannot...I must be regular in writing or else there is no place
for me to speak out. Though I don't look like a person who keeps things in my heart but I do. Don't know
why. Maybe perhaps I am afraid of the consequences becoming after I have let everything in my heart exposed.
Will see how it goes...usually I say everything...share everything, but coming on to age, things starts to get
stubborn. Hate it!
The Sentosa trip few days ago was okay. Had minor squabbles with Yuan, well petty issues again. My fault.
Mrs Koh's students were much alive and enthusiastic about everything...I guess I have really gone old. The spirit is willing but the body refuses to budge.

Today, I knocked off at seven plus. Yep, my Mdm is back and with much pressure then ever before. My office sucks.

Argh...burning cd isn't as easy as it seems to be, wasted another cd. Not that I want to but I'm just
computer illiterate at times.
KBOX was the highlight today. Went with Yuan and her family...it was the very first time I heard so many words coming out of her dad.
Was surprising and interesting at the same time as I was sitting audience with the rest of the family while we hear him sing.
I guess he was hit by the "Karaoke" bug that bit the many singing fanatics years ago. Well, better late than never.
Have to go work tomorrow...sigh...have to get rid of problems in my office.
Going back to work is like exorcising demons which I got rid long ago in drama academy. I hope God can grant me strength to get through it day by day :(
Just sitting thinking bout the amount of work I have is killing me. Why am I thinking of work that isn't mine...I need help...I think I am
going on overdrive soon.
Haven't packed my bag...will pack tomorrow morning I guess...my NS life is meaningless
No wonder some resort to suicide.

Sentosa trip is on tuesday, looking forward to it above everything else. Can see my dear, smell her and hug her!
Going to sleep now...
Unhappy Monday starts, NO must face it with a sly smile :>

I woke up after a long night of work that was filled with excitement and intrigue.
Went to parts of Geylang which I have never seen before, to catch girls who are solicitating
on the streets. Some of them are as young as yuan. Most of them too are pretty and deserves sympathy as a percentage
of them were cheated here. A promised education but a world of vice was put upon them...sigh
Came home at 5. It was exciting night, not like my office and I've learnt a lot too.

My dear didn't journey to my house to wake me up...tad bit disappointed. She said that she wants to try the new line and I thought she would
want to ask me to take it together with her! But no, I guess she was all excited about taking the train and forgot about my existence in her life for awhile.
I must not be petty, ya. Ian, you can't!

didn't manage to get the transfer but did express my unhappiness...
even if I got the transfer, she is so going to make my end days HELL,sigh!
dear God, the maker of time...pls make these two years of national service to end quickly
and smoothly.
I need to go slow...I guess I'm to rash at times when doing work...well I don't know how I'm going to do it but
I think it'll be after several mental beatings by my mdm then...only then I'll learn.
Miss my dear...miss her so much
Only her photo beside my computer gives me comfort to get thru bad times easier.
I love you dear